


Second Time's the Charm

by DolphinSpirit



Series: Opposites Attract [2]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Adoption, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Child Abuse, Coming of Age, Developing Relationship, First Love, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Illnesses, Love Triangles, M/M, Opposites Attract, Second Chances, Slow Burn, Time Skips, True Love, Unrequited Love, second love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-21 17:16:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 36,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11361981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DolphinSpirit/pseuds/DolphinSpirit
Summary: At twenty-one, Miles Turner and Ethan Collins have been best friends for years. With Miles's cautious and overly analytical personality and Ethan's happy go lucky and cheerful attitude, they were complete opposites. And yet, they trusted and depended on each other more than anyone else, going through the struggles of living in the real world. One day Miles starts dating someone, and Ethan realizes that he may not view Miles as 'just a friend.'If you enjoy reading about characters progressing from teenagers to adulthood, love triangles, and friends who become lovers despite their contrasting personalities, then I think you'll like this story.While this is part of a series, it can be read as a stand alone.





	1. Chapter 1

Miles unlocked the front door and walked into the house, hanging his jacket on the wooden coat hanger next to the door.

“Welcome home Master Miles,” Martin’s voice came from the dining room doorway. 

‘Hey Martin. Anyone home?” 

“Yes, Master James is in the library.” 

Miles nodded his thanks and was walking down the hall when he heard Martin say, “There will be four for dinner tonight I believe.”

Miles smiled, “Thanks for the heads up Martin.”

Miles strolled to the library and knocked on the door panel before he walked in so he didn’t startle James who was usually engrossed in a novel. 

“Hey, I’m home.” 

James looked up from the book he was reading, smiled warmly and put the book aside. “Welcome home. How was the exam?”

“Piece of cake,” Miles said as he sprawled onto the armchair across from James, letting one of his legs hang off an arm rest. “And with that I am officially done with all my midterm exams.” 

James chuckled, “Can’t believe you only have seven months left until you graduate. Seems like only yesterday you started your first day at highschool.” 

“Studying was fun but I can’t wait to get out into the field and actually analyze crime scenes. I am not designed to stay cooped up indoors.”

“No you are not,” James agreed. “It will be strange though, having you actually working instead of studying. Really makes Kevin and I realize that you’re not a kid anymore. Have you started applying for work?” 

“Yup. First option is of course the police station Kevin works at. But I applied to others as well. And in case that doesn’t work I applied to some labs. I don’t mind working indoors until I can get a job I want.” 

James cleared his throat and Miles stiffened, knowing what would be coming next. 

“Miles, if you can’t get a job here-”

“No, I’m not going to move away. I’m not going to leave you and Kevin,” Miles stated adamantly. 

“But this is your future we are talking about,” James pleaded. “I know you don’t want to leave us but if you have to it’ll be alright. We’ll come visit you and you can come visit us. Lots of families live apart in different states and even different countries.”

“I don’t want that. I want to stay here,” Miles said, his face set. 

James sighed and rubbed his forehead and Miles couldn’t help clenching his jaw when he noticed the small flecks of gray beginning to show at the root of James’s hair. He knew James and Kevin were right in trying to get him to leave the nest to pursue his dream of being a CSI, but he couldn’t bear the thought of leaving them. Miles still remembered the day when Kevin asked if he wanted to adopt him, then the day it became official, and when James and Kevin got married. Miles had always dreamed of having a normal family with caring parents and he knew it made him sound childish but he didn’t want to leave the safe haven he finally found. 

“Fine, we’ll talk again once you receive responses to your applications. But this conversation isn’t over.” 

Miles nodded and got up. “I’m heading to my room.”

“I think there’s a little surprise for you up there,” James said with a chuckle. 

“Yeah Martin already told me.” Miles waved to James and walked out of the room. As he strolled to his bedroom on the second floor he couldn’t help but notice how much the house had changed in the seven years he had been living there. Gone were most of the ostentatious antiques that were placed everywhere, giving the house a morose museum quality. Instead several of James’s paintings were hanging on the walls, some beautiful antiques that warmed the place up that Sarah had bought over the years, and of course some toys placed in certain rooms for Rose and Little James when they came over. 

Miles had been intimidated by the house when Kevin adopted him and he started to come over more often. But James had done his best to make him feel at home, giving him his own bedroom and changing the informal living room into a man cave for Miles. Miles couldn't pinpoint an exact day when the house finally felt like a home to him and a place of comfort. 

Miles opened the door to his bedroom, tossed his bag on the floor next to his desk and lightly leaped onto the bed, feeling some satisfaction when he heard a grunt from the body that lay beneath him under the covers. 

“Get off you behemoth! You’ll kill me!” 

Miles chuckled and rolled off the bed, watching as his best friend pulled off the covers to reveal his face. 

“Not my fault you're so tiny.”

“I’m not tiny! You’re the one who’s huge,” Ethan protested. Miles laughed as he sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at his friend fondly. Ethan Collins had been Miles’s best friend since they met the first day he moved to his new school when he was fourteen. Miles was sitting at his desk, feeling awkward and uncertain. Cue the charming and popular Ethan who had sidled up to Miles’s desk and asked, “You like cartoons?” 

Miles had been too thrown aback by the question and having someone approach him with such an open and innocent smile that he could only shake his head. 

“Aw man, you’re missing out,” Ethan had replied, smiling so broadly Miles had been amazed that such as small mouth could stretch so wide. Miles could only gawk at the boy with the pixie face, short light brown hair and hazel eyes as if he was a foreign species. 

After that, Ethan had sort of adopted Miles as his friend, hanging out with him at school and after school. He even invited himself to Miles’s house, back when he shared an apartment with Kevin. Once Miles officially moved into James’s house it was only normal and expected by everyone, even James, that Ethan would be coming along. It didn’t take long for everyone to consider Ethan as part of the family, the same way they viewed Mark, James’s best friend, and his family.

Ethan lay on his back with his head propped up on Miles’s pillow. “Exam went well?” 

“Yup. You?

“Can’t complain.” Ethan said off handedly, crossing his arms and placing them behind his head. “Since they’re practical animation and graphic design exams it wasn’t your typical sit and write an essay type of test.”

While Miles had always been more logically and scientifically inclined Ethan had always loved animations. Anime, Cartoon Network, Disney, you name it. His dream was to create animation movies with Disney since it appealed to his own sense of optimism and love of fantasy. Miles smiled slightly, wondering if his best friend would be a big kid forever. 

“Now that we’re done with exams wanna go hiking tomorrow?” Ethan asked. “The weather will get cold soon and we won’t be able to go.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Miles said as he stretched out on the bed next to Ethan, smiling smugly as he saw his 6’1 frame surpass Ethan’s 5’8 body. Sensing Miles’s amusement Ethan jabbed him in the ribs, earning a chuckle from the taller boy. 

“I told you to drink lots of milk when we were in school. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen.”

“I hate milk,” Ethan said pouting. 

Miles chuckled and ruffled his friend’s hair, enjoying the soft texture. Never in his life did he think he’d ever find someone besides James and Kevin he felt this comfortable with. 

“You sure you want to go hiking just the two us of? What about Gabe?” Miles asked.

“He’s not really into hiking. He prefers real sports as he called it.” 

“Never thought you’d date a guy who doesn’t consider hiking a sport.”

“What can I say? He’s great in bed,” Ethan said, laughing when Miles pushed his head into the pillows.

“TMI dude. TMI.” He began to stroke Ethan’s hair absently and the two sat in silence for a moment. “Think this one will stick longer than three months?” Miles finally asked. 

Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes, “I don’t know. He’s nice and I like him. If it works it does. If it doesn’t well, I’ll find someone else.”

“That attitude is probably why your boyfriends keep dumping you.”

“Hey when I’m dating someone I date them seriously,’ Ethan protested. “I talk to them, spend time with them, do all that coupley crap. It’s not my fault they aren’t satisfied.”

Miles looked his friend’s profile, feeling guilty when he noticed how upset Ethan actually looked. Ethan should never look like that. He was the most cheerful guy Miles knew and was always smiling. Even if others were sad he’d do his best to joke around until they felt better. “Sorry. I know you try hard. I’m sure this time will be different. Gabe seems like a great guy.”

Ethan turned his head to look at Miles, smiling again, “He does, doesn’t he?” 

Miles chuckled and affectionately ruffled his friend’s hair one last time before he got off the bed to change his clothes. 

Ethan flipped onto his stomach and lay sideways on the bed, propping his head against his clasped hands. “What about you? When will the lonely and untrusting Miles finally find someone?” 

Miles sighed as he pulled off his shirt and hunted in his closet for another one. “I told you. When I find someone I will.”

“You’re not even looking,” Ethan exclaimed. 

“I’m not as keen as you are to find my one true love. I mean, look at Kevin and James. They didn’t find each other until their late twenties. If it happens for me then, so what?”

“I know you idolize Kevin and James, and I don’t blame you. They’re great and I love them to bits. But you don’t have to live your life the way they did. I know they’re your role models and all but you need to figure out how you want to live your life on your own.” 

Miles suppressed a flash of irritation. It wasn’t the first time Ethan, and even Kevin and James actually, accused him of trying to emulate and stick close to his adopted family. But he didn’t see anything wrong with it. He was his own person and he made his own decisions. It just so happened that some of the stuff Kevin and James did made sense to him and he didn’t see anything wrong with following their example. Kevin had dated around until he found James while James waited till he found someone he felt comfortable with and could trust. Out of the two, James’s approach to love fit Miles’s personality the most. He wasn’t a loner as Ethan said, nor did he have a big circle of friends. He gravitated towards people whose company he enjoyed. He didn’t see the point in befriending everyone the way Ethan does. So shouldn’t he use the same approach when it came to love? 

“If I find someone I like I’ll go for it. Alright. Now can we please drop it.” 

Ethan pursed his lips, then finally sighed and rolled onto his back, “Fine. Be a hermit for all I care. What do I know. I’m just the only friend you ever had.”

Miles smiled ruefully, “You’re forgetting Luke and Connor.”

Ethan snorted, “Sure, throw them in my face. Remind me that I’m not the only one for you.” 

Miles laughed just as Martin knocked on the door to signal it was time for dinner. 

As Ethan walked by, Miles put his arm around his shoulder, leaning down slightly. “You are definitely my best friend.” 

Ethan looked up with a smile, until Miles continued, “Where else will I find a pixie shortie like you,” and dashed down the hall, laughing as Ethan raced after him calling him a stupid Sasquatch. 

 

 

“I think we should break up.”

Ethan froze with his glass halfway to his mouth while Gabe’s words sunk in. He sighed and took a long gulp from the glass and slowly put it aside. It wasn’t the first time he was getting dumped. He was too ashamed to think of the number of times he’d heard those words. He just wished he wasn’t naked while it happened. 

“And you decided to have sex one last time before you dump me,” Ethan said with a mischievous smile. “No wonder you were so into it.”

Gabe face reddened slightly, “I’m not sorry.”

Ethan chuckled and lay back into the pillows, “Let me guess. You felt that I wasn’t reciprocating emotionally during the relationship so I owed you some good sex before you break up with me.”

Gabe was clearly dumbfounded as he perched on the side of the bed in his boxer shorts. Lucky him. At least he was wearing something while Ethan had to be dumped butt naked. 

“You’ve heard that before then?”

Ethan sighed and stretched out, cat-like, “Surprisingly you’re not the first one to say it. I don’t get why though.”

Gabe snorted derisively, “You’re kidding right? I know you’re mister happy go lucky but even you aren’t that oblivious.”

Ethan turned onto his side and propped his hand on his upturned palm. “Enlighten me then.”

“You’re in love with Miles.” 

Ethan stared at Gabe in shock, unable to comprehend what he just said. “Me. In love. With Miles. My best friend.” Gabe nodded and Ethan burst into laughter, rolling on the bed and clutching his stomach. “Oh that’s a new one.” 

Gabe frowned in annoyance and grabbed Ethan’s arm to still him. “I’m not kidding Ethan. It all makes sense. You always talk about him.”

“Cuz he’s my best friend!” 

“And you answer the phone whenever he calls no matter what we’re doing.” 

“Again, because he’s my best friend.” 

“And you keep me at arm's length!” Gabe burst out. “I won’t be surprised if you did that with all your boyfriends. When we first meet you, you’re all cheerful and happy and we think we’re special. Then we realize we’re not and we don’t get to see the real you. Ever. It’s not fair and it’s hard to handle. Then you add in Miles and how close you two are. It makes sense. You don’t connect with any of use because you already have Miles.”

Ethan listened patiently to Gabe’s speech, his irritation increasing with each sentence. He pushed his ire aside and smiled, “If you felt that way then I’m sorry. And if you feel so insecure by me behaviour and relationship with Miles then it’s probably a good idea we break up.” Ethan got up and began to put on his clothes. 

“You may be denying it now, but one day you’ll realize I’m right,” Gabe said. 

Ethan froze in the bedroom doorway and smiled his customary eat shit smile, “Not a chance in hell.” 

As soon as he left Gabe’s apartment Ethan’s smile fell and he gave his anger free reign. How dare Gabe accuse him of holding himself back! He treated him the way he treated everyone, and better. He thought Gabe would finally be the one who understood him and he was just starting to open up to him. Why did all his relationships end this way? You’re always just smiling. I can’t tell what you think. You never tell me what you feel. All his boyfriends said the same thing. Ethan always brushed their concerns aside and tried to make them feel better, but for cripes sake he wasn’t going to baby-sit them while they sulked.

It was all such a hassle, playing the dating game. But Ethan knew he couldn’t handle not having people around him. He was a natural people person. His family was affectionate and he always surrounded himself with friends. And then he met Miles, his soul mate. But NOT as Gabe said, in a romantic sense. Miles was ...comfortable and exciting at the same time. With him, Ethan could fully be himself because he knew Miles didn’t judge him and would support him no matter what. He was different. And if his lovers couldn’t handle it that was their problem. 

Ethan sighed and took out his phone, hitting number two on the speed dial. 

“Hey Miles. I just got dumped. Wanna go grab some ice cream and binge watch some anime?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here its is! Miles's story. I planned on writing it a month ago but with end of year reports and exams I had to wait until I was officially on vacation and hammered it all out in four days. Phew, it was a mad rush and now I'm editing and posting daily.  
> I hope you like Miles and Ethan. I certainly had fun trying to figure out how Miles would be as an adult. And I got a kick out of Ethan.
> 
> Please leave comments and questions. I'd love to hear what you think.


	2. Chapter 2

Ethan blinked his eyes open slowly, rolled onto his back and stretched his arms above his head. He let his body go limp and stared at the ceiling blankly. Last night he and Miles had ended up marathoning a bunch of episodes from ‘One Piece,’ one of his favorite animes due to the humor and overall silliness. It was his go to anime usually after a breakup or when he was upset. 

Ethan heard a groan from the floor and looked over, spotting Miles tangled in a pile of blankets on the floor. 

“You OK down there?” Ethan chirped.

Miles sat up and ran his hand through his hair, ignoring Ethan’s comments. Ethan smirked and slid off the bed until he was crouched next to Miles, and blew a puff of air into his ear. Miles lurched back and moaned, his eyes still half open. Ethan laughed and left the room to wash up. Miles was always a horrible morning person and he always had fun messing with him. He’d pay for it later when Miles was fully awake but he never had any regrets. 

After quickly scrubbing his face he proceeded downstairs where his mother, father, younger sister and younger brother were eating breakfast. At twenty-one, Ethan was the oldest followed by his sister Claire who was nineteen and in her second year of university and Sean who was in his last year of highschool. 

“Morning my wonderful family,” Ethan said, kissing his mother lightly on the cheek before he sat down between his father, Hank, and Sean. 

“Miles slept over?” his mother, Janet, asked.

“Yup. He’ll be down once he fully enters the realm of the awake.”

“That sentence doesn’t make sense,” Claire said.

Ethan smiled, “I know right. That’s what’s fun about words. You can make up your own.”

Claire shook her head, refusing to rise to the bait. As a journalism major she was always getting teased and prodded into little spats relating to facts and proper English by Ethan. To her credit she only responded to his baiting three out of six times. Hmm, Ethan would have to work harder. 

“So you got dumped huh?” Sean said, smirking. 

Ethan rolled his eyes up slightly to look at his brother. At seventeen, Sean was almost an adult and couldn’t be easily teased anymore, unlike Claire. Ethan probably only had himself to blame for Sean teasing him so much. He practically trained him since he was an infant. You reap what you sow as the saying goes. But that didn’t mean he had to give in to the brat easily. 

Ethan sighed deeply and placed his hand on his heart dramatically, “Yes brother dear. As you so aptly put it, I have been ‘dumped.’ My heart twisted and tossed away like it was nothing. Your concern for me though, encourages me to strive forward, knowing I have the comfort and support of my loving family.”

Sean snorted and went back to eating his eggs. Ethan smirked, proud of his small victory. 

“Are you alright Ethan?’ Janet asked in a concerned voice. “I know you liked Gabe. You even said you wanted to introduce him to us.”

Ethan felt a stab of shame for worrying his mother. When was he going to grow up and think first? “I’m fine mom. Don’t worry. I’m not heartbroken, just a bit upset. Nothing a little TV and spending time with Miles and my friends won’t help.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about him mom. He always bounces back,” Claire said absently. 

Janet still looked concerned and Ethan was trying to figure out how to allay her anxiety when his father spoke up. “You know how Ethan is Janet. If the relationship ended so quickly then he wasn’t serious. He’ll be fine.”

“I guess,” Janet said. She was about to say more when Miles walked into the room, still rubbing his eyes even after he washed his face.

“Morning Miles,” Janet said cheerfully. “Breakfast?”

Miles nodded and plopped down into the seat opposite Ethan. He piled his plate high full of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and some toast. Ethan lifted an eyebrow. It never ceased to amaze him how much Miles could put away. Ethan was a big eater himself, despite how scrawny he was, but Miles was something else. Ethan had tried to talk him into entering eating competitions but Miles never agreed. 

“So, you boys still planning on going hiking today?” Hank asked.

Ethan nodded, “You bet. No reason to cancel.” 

“How was your exam on DNA samples Miles?” Claire asked. 

Miles swallowed his eggs and answered, “Pretty good. I was a bit confused about a few questions but I’ll probably get an A- or something.”

“I hope so,” Janet said. “You studied so hard for it. You have that psychology course starting next week right?”

“You got into that psych course?” Ethan exclaimed. “You didn’t tell me.”

“I knew,” Sean said smirking. 

Ethan absently kicked his brother under the table and continued, “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I just found out. I only told Janet last night while I was waiting for you to come home. Considering you’re the one who called me you got back later than I did.” 

“I was late because I was getting the pizza you like,” Ethan protested.

Miles smiled, “True. Thanks for that.”

“You know Miles, if you look around, anywhere really, you’ll find someone better than my brother,” Claire said. 

Ethan choked on a bite of bacon, earning a whack on the back from Sean. 

Miles chuckled, “Thanks for the concern Claire but I think I’m OK. I resigned myself a long time ago to having your brother in my life. And he’s not that bad once you get used to him.”

“Speak for yourself,” Claire mumbled. 

Ethan was trying to figure out how to respond when his father changed the subject. After eating and cleaning up, Ethan and Miles changed into their hiking clothes and left the house. The spot Ethan picked out was a thirty minute subway ride and then twenty minute walk away. They chatted casually on the way, discussing the latest episode of “Game of Thrones” and James’s latest exhibition. 

Without realizing it they reached their destination and began to walk up the flat mountain path. Ethan looked around at the trees and saw that some of the leaves were already turning brown and falling off the branches. He looked down and saw numerous dried out leaves on the ground and skirted around them.

He heard Miles chuckle and looked up, “What’s so funny?”

“Nothing. Just, I always find it funny how you refuse to step on any dead leaves or plants. Except grass. Claire would be shocked if she knew how sensitive you were about this kind of stuff.”

“Which is why I don’t go hiking with her. Can you imagine if she ever found out? I’ll never gain the upper hand again.” They walked on for a few minutes in silence before Ethan finally voiced his concern since breakfast. “Do you ever regret being friends with me?”

Miles seemed thrown aback by the question and Ethan felt his face redden. He knew he sounded like a child but he knew Miles wouldn’t judge him for it and he really wanted to know. “It’s just, I kinda forced myself into your life. I don’t think I ever really gave you a choice.”

Miles smiled warmly, “You did force yourself into my life. But if I ever hated it I would have found a way to kick you out of it. You may have forgotten since I’ve mellowed out so much but when we first met I wasn’t the nicest kid. There’s a reason you were the only one who would talk to me. Everyone else was too scared because I kept glaring at everyone and was worried they wanted something from me.”

“So you did it on purpose? I just thought you were up tight.” 

Miles laughed, “Oh I knew what I was doing alright. At the time I was still trying to accept James and Kevin. I couldn’t handle someone else. But then you came over and wouldn’t leave me alone no matter how hard I tried. I thought you were a pain in the ass.”

“You never told me that,” Ethan said softly, cringing as he recalled all the times he follow Miles around the school and sometimes even after school. He was like a stalker! He was lucky Miles never punched him. 

Miles looked ahead, smiling fondly as he recalled his youth. “At first I thought you were hiding how you really felt because you wanted something and were conniving. Then I realized you’re too innocent to ever really hurt anyone. You really just wanted to be my friend. So it was all good. And I have no regrets. Now, my turn to ask you. Why me?”

Ethan pondered his response. He kind of knew why he liked Miles the most out of everyone he knew, but it was hard to determine specific reasons he could say out loud. “At first I was fascinated by you. This new kid who wouldn’t let anyone near him. And word spread that you were adopted by a cop and we could tell you didn’t have a happy childhood. I wanted to cheer you up, make you laugh and smile.”

“You definitely did that.” 

“Then there was that day.” 

“Ah that day,” Miles said gazing off into the trees. “Wait what day are we talking about?”

Ethan stretched out his leg and lightly kicked Miles, “Doofus. You may not remember cuz we had so many awesome days together. But near the end of our first year together there was a day I was feeling really low. Claire was hospitalized again and I didn’t have it in me to try and cheer her up like I usually do. My parents told me to go to school and I was trying really hard to hide how I was feeling and forced myself to smile. You and I still weren’t really close but you had started to actually talk to me like a normal human being. During lunch you took me outside and told me I didn’t have to hide how I felt and if I wanted to cry I could. I thought you were so stupid. I never cry. Claire cries, Sean cries, and my mom. I never cried. I was always the one who had to make others laugh. Then suddenly I was crying. For the first time in years. And I couldn't stop. And you just stood there, being an idiot, then you finally put your arms around me and let me cry it out. I never forgot that day.” 

“Me neither,” Miles said.

“Liar. You just said you forgot.”

“I thought you were talking about the day I opened up to you and took you to meet James and Kevin. That was a big deal for me. But I remember the day you cried. I could tell you looked sad and were hiding your pain because I did that a lot. Didn’t think you’d cry so much though.” 

“You and me both.”

“And Claire is fine now. And the doctor said her kidney is fine and she’s getting regular check ups.”

“Yeah,” Ethan said, his brow furrowed. “But we always have to be prepared that it may happen again some day. 

Miles sidled up to Ethan and put his arm around him. “And if that day should come you’ll be there to make Claire laugh. And I’ll be there when you need to cry.” 

Ethan lips curled up into a smile and the two walked in silence, enjoying the crisp afternoon air, sound of chirping birds, and memories they usually tried not to dwell on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Compared to my last story, I had to do a lot more research for this one. I spent hours looking into animation and CSI programs (which was pretty interesting considering how much I love mystery shows and novels). I also asked my medical friend about different diseases before I picked Juvenile Polycystis Kidneys for Claire. It can present at different times during childhood or adulthood and can be treated through dialysis and a transplant if the patient has kidney failure. It's usually hereditary but I know people who suffered from it and their parents were fine.  
> If you see any facts that are reallly wrong, feel free to let me know.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this sweet little chapter. These two are just too cute. Next up, the plot thickens as Miles meets Ryan.


	3. Chapter 3

Miles made his way to the dining room the following morning, showered and ready to tackle the psychology seminar he almost gave up his arm to enter. He needed it to fulfill his credit requirements and it always filled up so quickly Miles hadn't been able to get in it before. He’d had to beg the professor for weeks so he could finally be allowed in. Usually students can’t enter a course after the first month but given Miles’s GPA and the fact that it was his last year the professor finally relented. He’d have to play catch up so he could do well on the midterm next week but Miles was determined to kick some psychology ass.

He was about to enter the dining room when he heard a familiar sound and stopped, sighing and rolling his eyes. You’d think after being married for six years Kevin and James wouldn’t be so lovey dovey, especially in the room they all eat in! Miles coughed loudly and heard James shush Kevin before he walked in.

“Morning all.”

Kevin and James mumbled their greetings, and Miles couldn’t help noticing how flushed James’s face was. 

“So your first day of psychology,” Kevin said. “Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Split Personality, all the fun stuff.”

“Not really,” Miles replied. “Personally, I’ll be focusing more on criminal mentality so I can understand their methodology when they commit a crime. For example why stabbing in the heart versus the face. That kind of thing. So yeah I guess fun.” 

“Can you save the murder talk till you two are alone. Some of us aren’t as blase as you are about murders and gore,” James said frostily as he drank his tea.

“Sorry James. I’ll talk about less bloody stuff.” 

“Thank you Miles. It’s nice to see that there is one other gentleman in this house.”

“Implying I’m not,” Kevin replied, arching an eyebrow. Miles noticed James hiding a smile behind his tea cup and stifled his own as well. Kevin sighed, “Misunderstood in my own house. That’s just sad.” 

“It’s OK Kev. Not everyone is destined to be a gentleman with a sterling reputation,” Miles said in an overly bright voice. 

“When I met you you didn’t even know the word sterling.”

“That’s because James taught me. He taught me a lot of useful things.”

“Hey I taught you stuff too,” Kevin protested. “Do I get no credit in how you turned out at all?”

“Kevin, you’re going to be late,” James cut into Kevin’s rant, which was a good idea because if he wanted to Kevin could complain forever. 

“Oh shoot. Miles, you need me to drop you off?” Kevin asked as he got up. 

“That would be great thanks.”

“But you didn’t eat your breakfast,” James said. “Take it with you.”

Miles made himself a messy bacon and eggs sandwich which he wrapped in a napkin. James could be such a worry wart. Initially, Miles didn't know how to handle it when James started to take care of him and treated him the way he imagined his own mother would have if she cared enough. It hadn’t taken Miles long to warm up to James though. But given how dense James was back then, he didn't realize it. He still remembered the day he'd flat out told James that he cared about him. James hadn’t expected it so Miles ended up spelling it out for him. He’d cried and Miles had hugged him and Kevin had smiled and then they all laughed. It was one of the best days in Miles’s life. 

Miles got in the passenger seat of Kevin’s car and put on his seat belt before Kevin drove off. 

“How’s it going with Case?” Miles asked as he bit into his breakfast sandwich. 

Kevin let out a world weary sigh and Miles regretted his question. “Don’t ask. I just can’t get through to him. His school called yesterday and said he didn’t show up. Again.”

“He’s living with that foster family on 5th right? They’re not exactly the nicest. I don’t blame him for wanting to just disappear all the time.”

“Yeah but disappearing will only make things worse. And he’s getting mixed up with a local gang and I just…” Kevin sighed and gripped the steering wheel harder. “I don’t know how much more I can do for him.”

Miles wanted to tell Kevin to keep trying, to not give up but the dejected look on Kevin’s face stopped him. Miles knew Kevin always tried his best and didn’t give up on the delinquents that he was assigned unless the kid really was a lost cause. Miles knew some kids who ended up that way. Not everyone was as lucky as he was. If Kevin hadn’t taken in him and then he and James adopted him and treated him like a son, Miles could easily have been one of those kids. That thought always kept him going. He saw himself as living proof that people can beat the system and make something of themselves, the same way Kevin did. 

“How are your anniversary plans with James coming along? You guys still planning on taking a trip to Hawaii?” 

Kevin beamed joyfully, glad at the change in topic. “You bet. I’ve been saving up for it. Beaches, barbecues, great weather. It’s gonna be fantastic.”

Miles smiled as Kevin chatted on about his dream vacation until they arrived at the main gates to his university. He thanked Kevin as he left the car, heading off to his psychology class. He walked into the big auditorium and looked around. He didn’t see anyone he recognized, but then again most of his classmates already took the required psych courses. He spotted an empty seat next to a blonde guy and sat down. 

He barely pulled out his laptop when the professor walked in and started the lecture. “Today we will be continued the study of -” And that’s all Miles could remember. He tried his best to keep up with the professor and wrote as much as he could understand, which wasn’t saying much. The professor was clearly continuing a lecture that he had started days, possibly weeks ago. He threw out so many terms and references Miles hadn’t heard of before he just couldn’t figure out what to write down. He’d taken a couple of basic psych classes before but this one was way more intense. He could feel his body tighten and sweat bead down his forehead.. 

“Dissociative disorders,” a soft voice whispered next to him.

Miles blinked and looked at the boy next to him, barely registering his blonde hair and brown eyes, “What?”

“Write it down. Dissociative disorders. I’ll explain it to you later.” The boy smiled encouragingly at Miles and Miles nodded his thanks. 

Fifty minutes later, his shirt soaked with sweat, the lecture ended and Miles lay back in his chair. His hands had cramped up thirty minutes ago from typing so fast. 

“Don’t worry. If you read the textbook you’ll catch up on what you missed,” the boy said. He stuck out his hand, “My name is Ryan. Ryan Mills.”

Miles shook his hand, “Miles. Miles Turner.”

“Well Miles, you free right now? I can help you go through the course material.”

Miles perked up and sat up in his chair, hope restored. “You sure?”

Ryan chuckled as he gathered his books and got up, “Yes I’m sure. Let’s head over to the library. They have some study rooms we can use.”

Miles exhaled and nodded gratefully and they began to walk to the library. “Thanks man. I was so lost. Today was my first day taking this course and I didn’t realize how much I missed.” 

“Yeah I kind of got that impression when I saw that panicked look on your face. While you did miss a lot, like I said you can catch up by looking through the textbook. And I’ll point out what you need to know for the midterm next week.”

“Wow,” Miles said, unable to hide his astonishment. “That’s really nice of you. You don’t have to go out of your way so much.”

Ryan smiled and Miles felt his heart skip a beat. That’s never happened before. “Don’t worry. It’s a way for me to revise as well. I studied psychological disorders last year so I need to refresh my knowledge of the basics.”

“So you’re a psychology major?”

“Yes. I’m in my fourth year and applying for my post graduate degree in criminal counseling.” 

Miles felt his jaw drop and knew he was being rude but couldn’t help it. “You’re a fourth year? You look…”

Ryan laughed, “I know, I know. People always tell me I look like I’m still eighteen. And that with such a young face I’ll never get the criminals to take me seriously.”

“I don’t know about that,” Miles replied thoughtfully, feeling slightly irritated. He never liked it when people told others they couldn’t accomplish something. No one had the right to tear someone down and Miles felt a strong urge to support his new friend. “Sometimes criminals respond to a kind face. And if you’re qualified it’ll come across. Hey, you might even be able to use it to your advantage. If people underestimate you then they won’t know what hit ‘im.” 

Ryan gazed at Miles thoughtfully and Miles felt his ears redden. He’d only meant to be supportive but as he talked his voice had become way too excited. 

“You speak from experience,” Ryan finally said. 

Miles started, uncertain how to respond to such a probing question. “I know a few people who were judged by the world too fast. And wrote themselves off.”

“And, they're alright now?” Ryan asked with concern. 

Miles thought of James who had thought the whole world hated him because his parents emotionally abused him and neglected him and now had a family who cared for him. Kevin who had been abandoned by his family when he was born and told he would just turn out to be a gangster like other people from his neighborhood and he beat the odds and became a cop who tried to help other kids like him. He even thought about Ethan who everyone thought was a flighty immature brat but was really one of the most thoughtful and caring people Miles knew. He then thought about himself. His parents had written him off when he was still a baby, his teachers said he would never amount to anything. Even he had believed he would accomplish nothing and never be happy. But just like James, Kevin, and Ethan, he had proven the world wrong. 

Miles grinned triumphantly, “Yeah. They all turned out alright.” 

Ryan smiled and Miles felt his heart skip a beat again. Weird.

They spent the next hour going through the first chapter of the textbook. Once he was calm, Miles was able to recall some of the stuff he already learned before and the new material was starting to make sense. The first chapter anyway.

Miles sighed and rubbed his face, “It’s going to take me some time to read through everything. I think I might be able to finish a chapter a day.”

“That sounds like a good pace. And like I said, I’ll help you go through it to make is easier. I’m usually free around this time. Want to meet up again tomorrow?”

Miles moved his hands away from his face and truly assessed the man in front of him. He noticed the gentle gleam in his dark brown eyes, the strands of hair that fell over his left eye, partially obscuring it, and mostly the earnest expression on his face. 

For whatever reason, this guy wanted to help him. And after meeting Kevin, James, and Ethan who all reached out their hands to help him, Miles knew it would be best not to slap away a generous hand. 

“Sure, same time tomorrow.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're off!  
> Since I did try to make it a stand alone, I added the important info you need to know about James and Kevin and how they adopted Miles in Chapter 1 and 3. Hope it helped!


	4. Chapter 4

“How’s the psych course going? Are you starting to catch up?” Kevin asked a few days later. 

“Yup, I’ve gone through all the chapters and I have one last review session with Ryan tomorrow morning and then I’m all good for the midterm in the afternoon.” 

The two were sitting in their ‘man cave’ playing a fighting video game, the perfect way to unwind after a long day. 

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with this Ryan guy,” Kevin observed casually. Too casually in Miles’s opinion. He’d known Kevin long enough to sense when Kevin was fishing for something. 

‘If you have something to say, just say it. It’s not like you to be subtle.”

Kevin grinned as he kicked Miles’s character. “Yeah, that was James’s approach. He said to be more sensitive and whatever.”

“So. What do you want to know?”

“Do you like this guy?”

Miles froze, causing Kevin to naturally kick his ass and whoop in delight. “Why would you say that?”

“Because you don’t normally spend a lot of time with people. Except for Ethan.”

“I have friends,” Miles said in annoyance, tossing down the controller and turning to face Kevin squarely. “I don’t like it when you and Ethan imply that I don’t. Just because I don’t have a huge circle of friends like you guys do doesn’t mean I don’t have friends. I’m just selective.” 

Kevin patted Miles’s shoulder, his face full of consternation at having upset Miles and pushed one of his buttons. “I know you have friends. You still keep in touch with Luke and Connor and you have some people you hang out with from university. You’re not a loner. I know that. And I didn’t mean to imply it. It’s just that James and I have noticed you spending more time with Ryan so we were curious.”

“He’s a nice guy and he’s helping me study. End of story.” 

“Fine. Whatever you say.” 

They sat in silence for a minute, hating their little spat. It wasn’t that they never argued, but usually they tried to avoid hitting certain sore spots. Miles usually preferred talking to James about his problems. He was a good listener and he never judged Miles. Kevin and Ethan felt the need to give their opinion whether he asked for it or not. 

“I have to review for my test,” Miles finally said as he got off the couch.

“Sure,” Kevin said softly. “Hey,” he called out as Miles was about to leave the room, “We good?” 

Miles turned around and felt his ire fade at the look of complete regret on Kevin’s face. He nodded, “Stop looking like that. You look stupid.” He couldn’t help grinning as he left the room to the sound of Kevin’s laughter. 

 

“And I think that’s it. You are ready to go,” Ryan said as he closed his laptop.

Miles exhaled and laughed, “Thanks for the vote of confidence. If I can even scrape a B- I’ll be happy.” 

Ryan smiled encouragingly and laid his hand on Miles’s shoulder. “You studied and reviewed everything. You know the material inside out. You’ll be fine.”

Miles's lips tipped up in a smile, “Thank for all the help Ryan. I couldn’t have figured this out without you.”

Ryan looked away sheepishly and removed his hand from his shoulder. “Well to be honest, I had ulterior motives.”

“What were they?” 

Ryan shook his head, his smile dropping slightly, “I’ll tell you after the test. Speaking of which we should get going.” 

Miles continued to contemplate Ryan’s words as they walked to the lecture hall. Ryan seemed like such an honest and gentle person, Miles couldn’t figure out what the ‘ulterior motive’ could be. All thoughts of Ryan flew out of his head though as soon as he received his exam. He took a deep breath, flipped to the first page and felt his nerves settle as he knew the answer. Steadily and carefully, he filled out the entire exam sheet. He tried to include as much details as he could, deciding that overkill was better than missing anything. Therefore he almost jumped in his seat when the professor called out that there were only two minutes left. Miles picked up the pace, furiously filling in the final question.

“It’s over!” Miles exclaimed after they left the lecture hall, stretching his arms up in a victory stance.

Ryan chuckled as he stood next to Miles, adjusting his jacket. “I’m guessing you did well.”

Miles grinned with relish, “I totally kicked ass. Hey if you’re free how about I treat you to lunch? As a thank you for helping me study. I know spending a week helping me isn’t the same as a burger but I want to do something.”

Ryan’s face softened and a flicker of guilt flashed across his face. If Miles hadn’t been looking at him carefully he would have missed it. 

“I don’t know if you want to do that.”

“Why not?” Miles asked. 

Ryan looked around and noticed that they had walked past most of the major university buildings and were in one of the less populated areas.There wasn’t anyone else on the street at that moment. 

“Because of this.”

Miles barely registered Ryan’s words when he grasped the front of Miles’s shirt and pulled him down for a firm kiss. Miles froze, his mind racing a mile a minute. He wasn’t a virgin and slept with both men and women before. He usually was able to figure out if the other person was attracted to him, but not this time. He felt completely blind sided. There had never been any signs. Or had he missed them? He was so busy analyzing the situation to notice when Ryan released him and stepped back. Miles was still leaning forward, blinking to try and gather the few functioning brain cells he had. 

“I know it’s a shock,” Ryan said, speaking quickly. “I never told you I was attracted to you. I don’t even know if you like guys. But from the minute you sat next to me I wanted to get to know you better. And the more we spent time together this week the more I liked you. I know we don’t know each other very well but maybe we can start now? Or did I just completely freak you out?”

Miles stared at Ryan blankly, trying to process what he was saying. Ryan liked him? He wanted to spend time with him? As in, date? While Miles had been with women before he hadn’t really dated any of them properly. What do people even do when they date? His only references were James and Kevin, who really weren’t normal, and Ethan who was not exactly the best example considering how often he changed guys. 

Miles was still trying to figure out how to respond when Ryan sighed, “I knew it. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’ve probably completely grossed you out. I’ll just leave and we can pretend this never happened. And I won’t talk to you anymore.”

At Ryan’s words Miles finally snapped back to reality and grasped Ryan’s arm before he walked away. “No, you didn’t gross me out. It was just unexpected. I didn’t think you felt that way about me.”

Ryan smiled ruefully, “You were too focused on studying to notice. Or I was just too subtle.” 

Miles winced, trying to recall if Ryan did give away any hints before. “I might just have been really dense. I’m sorry.” 

“Look, you don’t have to answer me right away. Think about it and let me know if you’re OK with trying to date. I’ll wait.” 

Miles looked down at Ryan’s earnest and hopeful expression and this time he felt his heart race. “Let me think about it.”

 

  
“Knock knock,” Miles said as he knocked on the wooden panel outside James’s library. 

James was scribbling away on a sketchbook and looked up and smiled. “Hey. How did your test go?” 

Miles sauntered into the library, looking around at the different shelves that filled the walls. “Pretty good.”

“That’s good to hear.” 

Miles continued to stroll around the room slowly, making his way towards the center of the room where James sat in his favorite arm chair. Out of the corner of his eye he saw James place the sketchpad on the coffee table in front of him. 

“Miles, is everything alright?” 

Miles took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts, which was pointless because he ended up blurting out his question, “How did you know you liked Kevin?” 

James looked at Miles seriously, “Sit down Miles.”

Miles sighed and sank into the armchair opposite James, his eyes glued to the floor and his ears burning slightly with embarrassment. Of all the things he talked to James about, he never thought he’d turn to him for dating advice. But when it came to relationships Miles was more similar to James than Kevin. Kevin would probably just tell him to jump in and see what happens. But Miles wasn’t designed that way. He liked to think things through and dissect his problems and emotions. That’s part of the reason he liked science and wanted to be a CSI. 

“I’m guessing this isn’t a random question. Can you give me some context first so I can answer you properly?”

Miles took in a deep breath and finally met James’s eye. “I met this guy at school. Ryan. You heard me talking about him. Today he kissed me and told me he may like me.”

James sank back into his armchair and crossed his arms, “And. How do you feel?”

“Confused mostly. I didn’t think he liked me and I don’t know what to do with that information. I’ve never had someone tell me they like me before.” 

“That’s how I felt when I started dating Kevin. I was like a fish out of water. Kevin was a natural and was doing everything he should as a proper date and boyfriend should. I was just trying my best to keep up and hide how uncertain I was.” 

“How long did that last?”

“Oh, a while. I think it was a year after we got married that I was finally able to fully relax and feel confident in the relationship. I was always second guessing myself and wondering if I should do something differently. Kevin didn’t know how nervous I was the first couple of years of our relationship.” Suddenly James smiled fondly at Miles, “But you did. You were always able to figure out when I was feeling a bit off.” 

Miles laughed, “Yeah it drove Kevin crazy. Not that he isn’t good at reading your moods, it’s just he’s too excited sometimes.” 

James chuckled, “He is at that.” James looked down at his wedding ring and the smile on his face was so blissful Miles felt he was intruding on a private moment. “There’s no one way of knowing if you like someone Miles. If you enjoy their company, want to spend time with them, and find them physically attractive, then it’s worth taking a risk and trying out a new relationship. You’ll never know until you jump in and sink or swim.”

Miles sank back into his chair and let his head flop back. “I know.”

“So, tell me about him.” 

Miles sat forward, his voice rising slightly with excitement, “He’s a fourth year like me. He’s good looking in a bookish way and he’s really nice. He has this soft voice and gentle atmosphere around him, I can’t help but feel comfortable. And he-why are you smiling like that?”

James chuckled and patted Miles’s hand. “I’ll tell you something. Much as I love Mark I never talked about him the way you just described Ryan.”

Miles looked at James in shock, thinking back on what he said and blushed at how sappy he sounded. 

James grinned broadly and leaned back in his chair, “I think you have your answer.”

Miles wanted to deny James’s claim, to say he needed more time to test out his feelings, to analyze Ryan a bit more. But then he recalled Ryan’s face and how gentle his lips were when he kissed him, how there was a hint of lemons from his shampoo and felt himself smile back at James. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww, first love. Like Miles I like to assess everything as well so I get why he's hesitant.   
> You'll notice in my notes that I talk about my characters as if I have no control over them, and in some ways I don't. They tend to take a life of their own once I start typing :).   
> Up next, we swing back to Ethan, who is going to have to reassess his life as well.


	5. Chapter 5

Ethan put away his ID and grabbed the tray full of beer and walked over the Miles, Luke, and Connor who were sitting at a booth in a corner of the bar.

“You got ID’d again?” Luke asked tauntingly.

“You mock now but when we’re all forty and I look twenty you’ll be green with jealousy,” Ethan replied casually as he handed out the mugs and sat next to Miles. 

Back in high school the four of them had been close friends. Not as close as him and Miles but closer than he was with other people. Since they graduated they all went to different universities, and in Luke’s case community college, and made other friends. But they still met up at least once a month to catch up. They’d been through too much together to just let the friendship fizzle out.

“How’re Karen and Sam?” Miles asked Connor. Connor had married his first love Karen after she got pregnant their senior year of high school. Since they were together since they were fourteen their parents just accepted their marriage and the baby as earlier than planned. They lived with Connor’s parents since he was an only child and Karen had two younger sister who still lived at home. Usually, Karen’s mom, who doesn’t work, takes care of the baby while Connor and Karen completed college and got jobs. It was a typical story Ethan had heard a million times before, but it was different seeing it and being in the thick of it. Especially when Sam had been born and he was the only one of the guys who wasn't too grossed out to change a diaper. Wusses. 

“They’re both good. Sam has been asking when he’ll see his uncle Ethan again and watch more Scooby-Doo,” Connor said and chuckled.

“You mock but Scooby and Shaggy taught me a lot growing up.”

“Like how to inhale all food in sight,” Luke teased. 

“I don’t eat nearly as much as Big Foot over there,” Ethan protested as he took a sip of his beer.

Just then, the waitress appeared with their burgers and chicken wings and they chatted about random topics for a good fifteen minutes. Ethan was feeling relaxed as the beer seeped into his system and he felt his disappointment with Gabe fade away. Which is why the next turn in the conversation may have hit him harder than it should have. 

“So Miles,” Connor said, “What’s new with you?”

Miles leaned back into the booth cushion and inhaled deeply. Ethan felt his whole body tense up at the uncomfortable but resigned look on Miles’s face. 

“I started dating someone recently.”

All three men froze at Miles’s words. Luke’s mouth dropped open while Connor blinked furiously. Ethan honestly didn’t know how his face looked but he knew he was probably as flabbergasted as the others. Miles? Dating? Miles never got close to people. Ever. Except Ethan but that was because he'd forced Miles to accept him. And Luke and Connor sort of tagged along. Ethan tried to imagine Miles pursuing someone and couldn't picture it. He kept trying to form any thoughts or words to respond when Luke finally broke the silence.

“You got a girlfriend?”

Miles cleared his throat and continued to drill a hole through the table with his eyes, “A boyfriend actually.”

"When’d you meet him?” Connor asked.

“At the university. He’s in my psyche course. His name is Ryan. He helped me catch up and tutored me and then one thing led to another and we started dating.”

“How long?” Ethan finally said. His voice sounded like it was miles away to his own ears and he prayed that it didn’t sound that feeble to everyone else.

Miles finally looked up, meeting Ethan’s eyes, “We’ve been dating for three weeks.”

Ethan realized his heart was racing and couldn’t figure how he felt at the news that his best friend had been dating someone and didn't tell him. He always figured when Miles would eventually date that Ethan would be right there in the thick of it, helping him get started and giving him advice. He knew he had to say something but his brain was a complete blank. Luke and Connor could feel the tension and remained silent, staring down at their food. Ethan kept blinking and trying to force his brain to work but nothing happened. “I need some air.” Numb, Ethan got out of the booth and walked outside, shivering slightly as the cold November air hit him. In his shock he had forgotten his jacket.

“Ethan wait!” Miles called out. Ethan turned around and saw Miles approaching, clutching Ethan’s jacket. Miles stood in front of Ethan awkwardly, then slid the jacket around Ethan’s shoulders. 

“You want to hit me?” Miles asked.

For the first time in minutes Ethan felt like his brain circuits were finally functioning as he tried to digest Miles’s words. “Why would I hit you?”

“Because, I finally started dating someone and didn’t tell you. You’re probably pissed that I didn’t. I knew it might happen and I decided to keep it a secret from you anyway.”

“Why?” Ethan said and finally realized that’s a burning question he needed an answer to. “Why did you hide it from me?”

Miles ran his hand through his hair and shoved his hands in his pockets, “Because you would have wanted to meet him right away and ask me a butt load of questions and honestly, I couldn’t deal with it right away. This relationship is still so new to me and I wanted to figure it out on my own. Without your questions or input. Does that make sense?”

Ethan looked down at the ground, noticing the cracks in the pavement. Miles was right that Ethan would have grilled him with questions. As his best friend it was Ethan’s job to look out for Miles and make sure he ended up with someone who deserved him. And with his limited experience dating, Ethan would naturally feel even more overprotective. But Miles was right that it was his relationship and he had every right to go about it as he wanted. All Ethan could do was be a good friend and support him. While it was unexpected, he should be happy for his best friend for finally finding someone he liked. And that’s what he would do. 

“Well, I guess there’s nothing else to say but congratulations.”

Miles blinked, “That’s it? You’re not going to yell at me or kick me or anything?”

Ethan smiled slightly, “No, no kicking, no yelling. You’re right. And I’m happy for you. And, when you’re ready I’d love to meet this..Brian?”

“Ryan.”

“Yeah Ryan. You’d never date a Brian. They’re too conceited.”

Miles chuckled, “And probably won’t walk through a forest in case their shoes got dirty.” Chuckling, the two headed back into the bar, listing the long list of dislikes the imaginary Brian would have. Ethan looked up at Miles’s happy expression and told himself that he was doing the right thing. He was just in shock is all. He’d get over it eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens! And Ethan is going to be in for some rude awakenings.  
> This chapter was actually part of a longer chapter that swings back to Miles's POV. But I think Ethan deserves his own chapter, don't you?


	6. Chapter 6

As Ryan was typing a message to his mother he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked up and felt his heart warm at the sight of Miles smiling down at him. He smiled back in greeting.

“Hey,” Miles said as he sat next to Ryan.

“Hey yourself.” 

“Ready for lunch?” 

“In a second. I just need to reply to my mom. She texted asking if I can buy her some cookies she loves at a local bakery.” 

“Right. You’re going home for Thanksgiving right?”

“Yes. Since my mom and dad are going to travel for Christmas my older brothers are coming back home for Thanksgiving. It should be fun. We don’t really get to see each other very often.”

Miles nodded sympathetically, “Yeah you mentioned your family isn’t very close.” 

“It’s not that we’re not close. Everyone is just so busy. Both my parents are very academic and my brothers and I are the same way. Careers and studies come first.” 

Ryan could feel Miles assessing his posture and words and realized he may have sounded a bit bitter. He didn’t want Miles to get the the wrong impression. He loved his family and would do anything for them and he knew they would do the same for him. But there was always a certain level of restraint and expectation that drove his older brothers to become a doctor and a lawyer. 

What it probably amounted to was a lackluster childhood. Ryan could recall many quizzes and academic game nights, but they never had just regular fun. Ryan couldn’t remember ever going to watch a kid's movie with his parents before. It’s probably why he gravitated to Miles’s easy going nature. He was able to relax with Miles and just have fun.

On their first date Miles had taken him to play mini golf and an arcade, saying games were the perfect way to break the ice and get to know each other. And it had been. Miles had teased Ryan when he did well, exclaiming dramatically when he missed the hole. Miles’s enthusiasm had been infectious and Ryan quickly found himself mocking Miles when he missed a shot and crowing with glee when he got a hole in one. Their dates since then had always been casual and enjoyable. For the first time in his life, Ryan was able to let his hair down and just be silly and laugh. 

“Speaking of Christmas,” Miles said. “Do you want to come over to my house for it? We usually spend Christmas Eve alone but we have a huge Christmas Day lunch and invite people we consider family.”

Ryan looked at Miles uncertainly. “Christmas is still several weeks away.”

“I know,” Miles said, grinning. 

“Are you sure it’s OK? Shouldn’t you ask your parents first?” 

“They’ll be cool with it. They’ve been wanting to meet you anyway. Although,” Miles said, chewing on his bottom lip contemplatively. “That probably isn’t the best way to meet them for the first time. Do you want to meet them next weekend?”

Ryan felt suddenly nervous. While most of his previous relationships had progressed steadily, he and Miles seemed to be zooming along. He should be terrified but strangely, he was fine with the fast pace. So, he wasn't anxious because he thought it was too soon, but because he knew how much Miles loved his parents and what a big step this would be. What would he do if they didn’t like him?

“If you think it’s OK,” Ryan replied hesitantly. 

Miles chuckled and ruffled his hair, “Don’t worry. They’ll love you.”

 

On Saturday morning, Miles found himself organizing the family room. Martin had already cleaned it but Miles suddenly felt horribly nervous and felt the need to straighten up the already straightened up room. Miles sighed. Why did he invite Ryan over to his house? It had seemed like a great idea at the time. Miles really liked Ryan and he wanted him to meet the people he cared about the most. It was probably too soon to meet Ethan and he knew his friend would be harder to please than Kevin and James. He felt like a little kid bringing his favorite toy home to show his parents. 

“And here I thought I was being an adult about all this,” Miles muttered.

“Whose being an adult?” Kevin asked as he walked into the room. Miles was about to reply when he noticed Ryan standing next to Kevin and choked on air. He started to cough violently and covered his mouth, glaring at Kevin when he began to pound on Miles’s back.

“There. Looks like you needed some help,” Kevin said, grinning mischievously. Miles only glared.

“I was about to ring the doorbell when Kevin opened it for me,” Ryan explained.

“What were you doing? Lurking at the front window?” Miles accused.

“Pretty much,” Kevin admitted easily. 

“You are such a weirdo,” Miles muttered. 

Suddenly, they heard someone clear his throat discreetly and they all turned around, noticing James in the doorway behind Ryan. 

James smiled warmly at Ryan and extended his hand, “Hello Ryan. It’s nice to meet you. I’m James and that idiot over there is Kevin. He may seem like an annoyance but he’s really nice. Trust me.”

“You didn’t have to say it like that,” Kevin muttered sullenly and Miles roared with laughter. 

Ryan, sensing a kindred spirit in the gentle James, smiled with relief and shook his hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Miles talks about you and Kevin all the time.”

“Aw, you talk about me,” Kevin said, putting his arm around Miles which he quickly shrugged off. 

“Would you like a tour of the house?” James said, ignoring the boisterous atmosphere in the room.

“If you don’t mind. Miles told me several of your paintings are scattered around. I’d love to see them.” 

James gestured invitingly and led Ryan out of the room. Miles watched them leave and felt a sense of satisfaction. He knew that once he got Ryan into the house James would make him feel comfortable. And it looks like they were already bonding. Miles always sensed that the two were similar in their temperaments and they seemed to be clicking. 

“So that’s Ryan huh,” Kevin observed casually, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Yup. That’s him. Can you do me a favor and rein in the energy a bit,” Miles asked. “Ryan is already nervous about coming here and having you test him right at the front door wasn’t the greatest way to start off.” 

“Just wanted to see what he was made of,” Kevin replied. “By the way, he handled meeting me like that pretty well. I’d give him an A- for keeping his cool.”

“Glad he meets your approval,” Miles drawled. 

“Has he met Ethan yet?” Kevin asked and Miles knew him well enough to know it wasn’t a casual question. 

“No he hasn’t. And don’t read too much into it alright.” 

With that Miles left the room and followed James and Ryan as they chatted about the various artwork in the house. Lunch was a lot more comfortable now that Kevin was done testing Ryan. At least, Miles hoped he was done. He could never tell as Kevin loved to analyze people to death. But he was perfectly polite, asking Ryan about his classes and postgraduate ambitions. Being a cop, Kevin was definitely interested in psychology and he and Ryan had some long conversations about the psyche of teenagers. 

Once they were done eating, Miles took Ryan to his room. 

“James and Kevin are just as nice as you said they are,” Ryan said as he sat on Miles’s desk chair. 

“They’re great. Just don’t tell Kevin I said that.” 

Ryan chuckled, “He definitely likes to tease you. He cares about you a lot”

“Yeah I know.”

“I have to admit I’m kind of jealous,” Ryan admitted shyly.

Miles started, surprised by the causal confession. “Why?” 

“Because your relationship with them is so...comfortable and loving. You tease each other and poke fun but you still know which lines not to cross and the affection between all of you is really obvious. My family isn’t like that.” 

Miles felt a strong desire to protect Ryan, to make him laugh and smile and show him the love and affection he didn’t receive from his own family. He’d never felt that way before, except for Ethan and James. Miles realized that he definitely had a type. He couldn’t help gravitating to people he felt he needed to protect or care for. It probably came from not having affectionate parents himself. He longed to form strong relationships with others. 

“Well, now that you’re with me they kind of consider you family too. Pretty soon Kevin will be teasing you and James will give you some advice. Once that happens you’ll be one of us.”

Ryan smiled broadly, “I think I’d like that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Miles certainly doesn't like to waste time. But while he's busy, poor Ethan is left out in the cold. 
> 
> Please feel free to leave comments as the love triangle starts to progress!  
> For those of you who read the prequel, I'm curious what you think of the older Miles who is trying so hard to be an adult but still can't tear himself away from his safety net.


	7. Chapter 7

“Wake up lazy butt! If you don’t get up I’m leaving you and you can walk to the center,” Claire’s voice came through Ethan’s closed bedroom door. Ethan groaned and rolled over, staring at the clock on his desk. It was 9 AM and he was going to be late for his part time job teaching art to kids at the local community center. Claire also taught creative writing at the same time and the two usually drove there together every Sunday morning. 

Ethan debated calling in sick but decided he couldn’t stay in bed forever. “I’m up, I’m up.”

Ethan quickly showered and got dressed, meeting Claire at the front door, noticing the sandwich she held in her hand. She thrust the sandwich at Ethan but he just shook his head. “I’m not hungry.” 

He walked by Claire, ignoring the shocked look on her face. He didn’t blame her. Ethan usually ate five meals a day, two of which were breakfast. Ethan got in the passenger seat and waited for Claire to get in and start the car. Last night he had tried to call Miles and once again had only gotten his voice mail. Lately, it’s been harder and harder to get in touch with his best friend and he hadn’t seen him in almost two weeks. He understood that he was in a relationship now and wanted to spend time with his boyfriend, but Ethan had always made time for Miles when he was in relationships. Shouldn’t Miles do the same? 

“Want to tell me what’s wrong?” Claire finally asked. 

“Not really,’ Ethan replied blandly. Ethan could tell Claire wanted to push further but seeing her brother so forlorn was probably such a strange experience she didn’t know what to do. So they spent the rest of the ride in silence. 

Ethan’s hope that working with the kids for an hour would help him out of his funk failed epically. He was usually so full of spirit and energy and the kids responded to it. Today though, he kept mumbling and gave the kids half formed instructions. The kids could tell he wasn’t feeling alright and kept asking him if he was sick. He finally told them he was and asked them to work independently, which they proceeded to do. Ethan felt too bummed to appreciate their consideration. 

After class, Ethan was waiting for Claire in the front lobby trying to analyze his feelings. Why was he feeling so down? Just because Miles was spending more time with Ryan lately? Because he wasn’t Miles’s number one? Was he really that petty? Ethan sighed and felt Claire kick him lightly with her foot. 

“Want to get some ice cream?”

Ethan looked up at Claire, noticing the concerned look on her face. It wasn’t right for his little sister to worry about him. And the fact that she was willing to get ice cream in the dead of winter, a habit she always told Ethan would make him sick, showed just how concerned she was. Ethan felt his older brother instinct to comfort his sister kick in and he decided to indulge her. 

“Only if you let me get two scoops,” he said, smiling brightly. 

Claire sighed, “Brat.” 

Ten minutes later they were sitting at a nearby ice cream parlor, scarfing down their sundaes. 

“How was your class?” Claire asked.

“Meh,” Ethan replied around a mouth full of whipped cream. 

“Have you started applying for work?”

“Yeah, like months ago.”

Claire blinked in surprise, “Really? I didn’t think you’d get such a head start.”

Ethan looked up, ready with a scathing retort when he realized how little his sister knew him. He only showed her his fun and teasing side because that’s the role he was used to. Which meant that he and Claire never got to know each other as individuals. So it made sense that she didn’t know anything about Ethan’s work ethics or serious attitude when it came to his classes. And he didn’t know much beyond how hard working Claire was. How had he never realized that by keeping such fixed roles in their relationship, he had built a wall between them? And was it too late to fix it?

“I applied months ago. You need to get a head start in this business and it’s important to use different connections you have.” 

“Huh, never realized you took all this seriously.”

“I may look like a goofball in front of you but I’m pretty earnest about a lot of things.”

“Like what?”

“Like my work. Do you know I spend hours completing my assignments, then another few hours working on my computer developing my own shows.”

Claire’s eyes widened with wonder, “You have your own shows? As in plural.”

Ethan chuckled and took another bite of his ice cream, “Yeah I actually finished the pilot episodes for three shows and I’m working on another one. A couple of them are pretty rough cuz I made them years ago but I think the latest one is pretty good.”

“What’s the first one about?” Claire asked curiously.

Ethan froze with his spoon in his sundae then put his hands in his lap. He looked up at Claire and she staggered at how sober her brother looked. He was always laughing or joking around and seemed like such an idiot Claire didn’t know what to make of his expression. 

“I made my first show when I was twelve. I only had rough sketches of it and wasn’t able to get the technology and know how to make it until I was fifteen. It’s a story about a fairy called Claire. She was the most beautiful fairy in the kingdom. But one day, an evil wizard cast a spell that removed her wings. Suddenly, Claire lost all her powers. She couldn’t sing, she couldn’t dance, or fly. She became close to being human. But Claire wasn’t going to give up and with her friends’ help she goes off to find the witch that can help her get her wings back.”

Claire stared at Ethan, mouth slightly open in awe and shock as he talked. She swallowed and felt tears form in her eyes, “And..did she get her wings back?” Claire was startled to see that Ethan’s eyes were slightly watery as well. He reached over and grasped her hand, smiling gently, “Yes, she did. And she became stronger, smarter, and kinder after fighting for herself. And she lived happily ever after.”

Claire felt tears rolling down her cheeks and was reaching for a napkin when Ethan passed one over to her. Claire took it, wiped away her tears, and blew her nose. 

“You always were there for me, weren’t you?” Claire stated. 

Ethan’s lips pulled back in a slight smile, “Of course. You’re my little sister. It’s my job to keep you safe and happy. Claire, I know I may have inadvertently created this gap between us, but I want us to be able to talk more and really get to know each other. OK?”

Claire nodded, “I’d like that.” 

“But not Sean.”

“Oh definitely not. He’s still a kid.” 

 

 

Miles finished typing the last sentence in his psychology essay, hit save, leaned back against the couch and sighed. 

Ryan chuckled from his place above Miles on the couch. “Guess that means you’re done?” 

Miles nodded and rubbed the back of his head. “This course is going to be the death of me. I’m used to science reports, not analytical essays.”

“I’ll take a look at it if you like.” 

Miles grinned and looked up at Ryan, “I appreciate the offer but I prefer submitting work that is 100% me.”

Ryan smiled gently and kissed Miles lightly on the mouth. “Want to go out and get some pizza or something? We haven’t had dinner yet.” 

Miles nodded and the two grabbed their winter coats and left Ryan’s small, one bedroom apartment, walking down to the row of restaurants three blocks over. Ryan was talking about what he learned at a symposium he attended the other day and Miles smiled at him fondly. He had been dating Ryan for six weeks now and the more time he spent with him the more Miles cared about him. It was getting ridiculous how much he actually liked Ryan. They met up every day, sometimes spending hours together just talking or playing a video game. Other times, if they were busy, they just met up to kiss a bit and talk. They texted each other several times a day, sharing little bits of news, like what Miles ate for breakfast or a conversation Ryan had with one of his classmates.

Miles had never put so much effort into being with someone as he did with Ryan. And it didn’t feel like enough. He wanted to be with him all the time. Miles didn’t know if everyone felt this way in a relationship and when he tried to talk to Kevin about it he only told Miles to go with his gut and figure it out for himself. If he could do that he would have done it already! 

Miles looked down at Ryan’s hand and felt a strong urge to grasp it in his own. But he didn’t know if Ryan would be OK with it so he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets. Though they had kissed, a lot, they had never gone beyond first base. Miles didn’t know if Ryan preferred to take it slow and didn’t want to scare him off by suddenly pushing for more. Man, this dating thing is confusing. 

“Hello, earth to Miles,” Ryan's voice cut into Miles’s thoughts. 

“Sorry, “Miles said sheepishly. “I was thinking about something else.”

“Obviously,” Ryan said. “Anything you want to talk about?”

It was this side of Ryan that made Miles like him the most. He reminded him of James a bit, wanting to help and be supportive without putting any pressure or making the other person feel like he was intruding. It was both comforting and familiar. 

“I was thinking about us actually,” Miles admitted. “I’m...really happy being with you.”

Ryan smiled and nodded, “Me too. I really like being with you.” Ryan chuckled and his cheeks were pink from both the cold and embarrassment, “I actually find myself wanting to be with you more.” Ryan stopped walking. He looked around, noticing the crowd of people around them and pulled Miles into a nearby alley. He looked up into Miles’s face, his expression serious. “I really really like you Miles. A lot. More than I’ve liked anyone else.” 

Miles felt his heart race faster and was astounded by what he said next, “I love you.” 

Ryan started and Miles felt a rush of anxiety. Did he speak too soon? Had he scared Ryan off? But he did love Ryan. At least he thought he did. He definitely cared about him more than anyone else. And if he loved him, shouldn’t he tell him that? Usually Miles preferred to assess the full situation, gauge and test his feelings, but not this time. This time he wanted to go based on emotions alone. 

“I love you too,” Ryan finally whispered back and Miles felt his body deflate. “I didn’t think it was OK to say it so soon but-” Miles cut Ryan off with a deep kiss. They stood like that, kissing softly but firmly, clutching each other for what felt like hours. When they finally pulled apart, Miles grasped Ryan’s hand gently and they walked back to Ryan’s apartment, their dinner forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you Miles doesn't waste time. But wow.   
> I'm so glad Ethan is bonding with Claire, especially since Miles has gone AWOL. I miss Ethan and Miles together, but it wouldn't work with the current plot.  
> Next chapter.....things are going to get messy!


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you sure you want me to meet him? We can wait a bit longer,” Ethan said as he fidgeted nervously in his seat.

“Ryan and I have been dating for almost two months now. It’s about time you met him. I met his friends already,” Miles replied reassuringly. 

Ethan sighed and looked around the Italian restaurant Miles decided would be the perfect place for him and Ryan to meet for the first time. It was definitely cozy and quiet. Too quiet. “Is it too hot in here?” Ethan asked, fanning his face with his right hand. 

Miles laughed and grasped Ethan’s hand, unsettling Ethan enough that he finally stopped moving. “Relax. He’s going to love you. And you’ll love him.”

Ethan smiled weakly and was about to respond when he saw Miles look up and his face positively glowed as he beamed at something behind him. Ethan felt a pang of..something he couldn’t name and knew that Miles had just seen Ryan. 

Miles got up and hugged the blonde man that approached their table. Miles had already told Ethan about Ryan’s youthful face. But it was still a surprise to actually see it. The guy barely looked seventeen! 

“Sorry, did I keep you two waiting?” Ryan asked as he sat in the seat across from Ethan. Ethan saw Miles sit next to Ryan and felt that strange pang in his stomach again. Maybe it was something he ate? 

“Nah, we just got here ourselves,” Miles replied. 

“It’s great to finally meet you Ethan,” Ryan said, smiling warmly, the corner of his eyes crinkled, “Miles has told me so much about you. I have to admit I’m a bit nervous meeting you. Miles cares about you a lot.”

Ethan swallowed nervously and forced himself to speak, “Same here.” 

“Miles said you want to work in animation. What inspired you to do that? Was it a specific show or something?”

Ethan was startled by what he saw as an intrusive question considering it was their first meeting. Miles said Ryan was studying psychology so asking such questions was probably second nature to him and he didn’t realize how uncomfortable he made Ethan.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” Ryan suddenly said, his expression repentant. “I tend to ask lots of questions normally. But since you’re Miles’s best friend and I feel like I know you I probably got too personal too fast.” 

Ethan felt a rush of desire to comfort the other man. “No don’t worry about it. It’s not like I’m trying to hide it or anything. And it’s nice that you want to get to know me.”

Ryan smiled appreciatively and Ethan felt his big brother instinct kick in. He could see now why Miles was into this guy. He gave off a vibe that made people want to give into him, to let themselves trust him and comfort him at the same time. A skill that would probably benefit him as a criminal therapist. 

Ethan decided to answer Ryan’s question to really prove that he wasn’t offended. “I’ve always loved cartoons growing up. My parents said I was constantly glued to the television. Then my sister got sick and I used to watch cartoon and animation movies with her in the hospital. And they would cheer her up. I realized that I wanted to cheer up other people the same way those cartoons did.” Ethan paused, debating how much more he wanted to reveal about himself. He then noticed the earnest look in Ryan’s eyes and couldn’t help revealing more, “I know it sounds stupid, but I think part of the reason my sister got better is because those cartoons cheered her up. They made her laugh and were so full of optimism I think it seeped into her a bit.” Ethan chuckled shyly, “Pretty dumb right?”

“No!” Ryan exclaimed. “I strongly believe in mind over body. Hence why I’m in psychology. When people are trapped in a box of negativity, then they will always expect the worst out of life and give up quickly. But positive people try to find the good in life and appreciate what they have more. This can also affect their physical well being sometimes.” 

Ethan smiled and could feel his emotions begin to settle as he began to grow comfortable with Ryan. 

“See, this is why I love this guy,” Miles said warmly, clasping Ryan’s hand. Ethan felt his heart stop. His eyes quickly flicked between Ryan and Miles, trying to grasp the fact that Miles had tossed out the L-word so casually. He thought Ryan would become awkward or Miles would regret his words. But the two just beamed at each other and Ethan realized that they had already passed that stage in their relationship. 

Ethan felt like his world was spinning. How had this happened? Miles had told him how much he liked Ryan and bragged about how kind and smart he is. In the back of his mind Ethan may have thought they’d get to that stage but not so soon! This must be what they call a deer caught in the headlights. He was completely blind-sided and didn’t know how to sort out his thoughts and emotions. 

For years Ethan never knew how he managed to get through that meal and converse with Ryan and Miles. He probably sounded normal because they never looked at him strangely. At the end of dinner Miles had paid, claiming it was his treat, and told Ethan he was going to walk Ryan home. Subconsciously, Ethan knew that probably meant Miles was going to sleep over at Ryan’s house. Which wasn’t weird because they were dating. And if they were already saying ‘I love you’ then it’s obvious they were….no stop right there. He wasn’t going to go down that road, not when it included his best friend. 

Ethan said goodbye to Ryan and promised they’d hang out again soon and watched the two walk down the street to the bus stop. Miles placed his hand on Ryan’s lower back as he guided him around a puddle, then kept his hand around his shoulder. Ethan felt a sudden urge to run down the street, yank off Miles’s hand and shove Ryan away. As far away as he could. To Antarctica if possible. 

Ethan shook his head, shocked by his own negative images. This wasn’t right! This wasn’t how he was supposed to feel about Miles’s boyfriend. He should be happy for Miles. He finally found someone he cared about. And Ryan was a nice guy. He was happy for them. Wasn’t he? He was probably just upset because he was not used to Miles giving so much attention to other people. Ethan had always known how special he was to Miles and how differently he was treated. He just needed to adjust to the fact that Miles now had someone else to care about. Someone else he would place first- above Ethan. 

Suddenly, Ethan felt a strong emotion, one he hadn’t felt in years. He wanted to curl up in a ball and just cry. And he went home and proceeded to do just that. 

 

“Shit!” Ethan exclaimed as he botched yet another skirt he was trying to create for his character. Maybe he should just give her pants. Women were always talking about equality and all that stuff, they’d appreciate the pants. Ethan glared at the screen, moving the cursor slowly to outline the pants….and swore again when he saw how billowy they were. 

“You’ve been off your game lately huh,” Ethan’s classmate Rob said, looking up from his own computer next to Ethan in the university computer lab. 

“It’s this stupid skirt...pants thing. Or maybe it’s the mouse,” Ethan grasped it and began shaking it. “Stupid thing won’t do what I want it to,” Ethan hissed through clenched teeth. Rob reached over and took the mouse from Ethan’s hands and set it firmly back on the table. 

“Why don’t we go get some fresh air?” 

Ethan nodded and the two left the lab. It was almost Christmas and there were decorations covering the entire campus. The two walked to the student lounge in the next building over and bought some hot chocolate and sat down on one of the comfy couches. 

Ethan gulped his hot chocolate and winced as it burned down his throat. He probably should have waited but he was too irritated. “It’s that stupid mouse.”

“It’s not the mouse and you know it,” Rob replied gently. “You’re anxious about your job applications. We all are. It’s normal.”

“It’s not that. I already heard back from a couple of places.” 

Rob’s eyebrows went up, “Seriously? That was fast.”

“Don’t get too excited. One’s in Dallas and is a small company. The other is in Portland.” 

“I thought you wanted to stay here,” Rob replied in puzzlement.

“I do. That’s the problem. None of the studios in the area replied.” Ethan ran his hands through his hair in frustration. Truth be told he was anxious about his applications. He didn’t want to move and be away from Miles and his family. But he also didn’t want to bum around and work part time jobs till he rotted away in his parent’s basement. But that wasn’t all he was worried about. 

Since his dinner with Ryan and Miles three weeks ago, Miles kept calling and asking if the three of them could spend time together. Ethan kept coming up with lots of excuses about his workload but there was no avoiding them at the annual Christmas lunch at Miles’s house. It had been a tradition since they were fifteen for Ethan to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with his family and have lunch and spend the evening with Miles, Kevin, James and Mark and his family. And this year, Ryan was going to be there. Ethan still hadn’t sorted out his feelings enough to face Ryan and Miles yet. Every time he thought about them together he felt a huge knot in his stomach. 

“Well, even if you don’t get something in the area, you can always go and come back when you have more experience and time to apply. Time is kind of against us right now.”

Ethan snapped back to the present and realized Rob had been trying to comfort him while he contemplated his miserable afternoon watching Miles and Ryan be all lovey dovey. 

Ethan swallowed the rest of his drink and stood up. “You’re right. Thanks man. We should get back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ashamed to say that I usually shake the mouse when the computer isn't working properly. I know it doesn't make a difference! But it makes me feel better.   
> Poor confused Ethan. Things are about to get a lot worse as we reach the climax of Part 1 of Ethan and Miles's story.


	9. Chapter 9

“Merry Christmas!” Kevin called out as he opened the front door for Ethan. Ethan couldn’t help but smile as he saw Kevin’s green sweater with Rudolph stitched on the front. 

“Nice sweater.”

“Don’t mock. Sarah made it for me. And there’s one just for you. I think it’s pink with a giant snowman on it.”

“Bite me,” Ethan replied jokingly as he and Kevin hugged in greeting. 

“Everyone is already inside. Just head in. I have to grab the food from the kitchen.”

Ethan swallowed and steeled himself before he stepped into the dining room where he saw the typical Christmas decorations James and Kevin put up every year. Miles said that none of them every celebrated Christmas before they got together. Which is why they go all out now and invite everyone they consider family. This included Ethan, Mark, Sarah, Rose, Little James, and, Ethan suppressed a rush of irritation as he saw the object of his ire, Ryan apparently this year. 

Ethan barely registered Rose and James playing with a huge Lego set on the floor when Miles saw him and rushed over, crushing him in a big hug. “Man I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.” 

“Yeah, sorry things have been pretty crazy,” Ethan lied and he stepped back from Miles. Weird. He’d never cared when Miles touched him before but now it made his blood pound. Probably left over resentment from being ignored. 

“Ethan! So glad you made it,” James said as he came up and shook Ethan’s hand. Ethan felt himself relax slightly. It was hard not to with James’s reserved and calm demeanor. Miles always said James was his confidante and the person he felt most comfortable with besides Ethan and Ethan understood why. While Kevin was a bundle of energy James was a stable rock. 

“Now that we’re all here, let’s eat!” Kevin said as he wheeled in a giant turkey. Everyone exclaimed over the turkey as Martin followed with another cart with mashed potatoes, carrots, yams and all the other typical side dishes. There was a great deal of noise as everyone helped set the dishes on the table and Kevin carved the turkey and James passed it around. Ethan was sitting between Miles and Rose and he decided it would be best if he talked to the girl during the meal. He and Rose always got along anyway. 

“Hello, my darling Princess Rose. How are you this fair day?” Ethan asked, putting on a decent British accent.

Rose giggled, flashing the braces she got right before her twelfth birthday a few months ago. “I am well. And how are you Sir Ethan?” 

“Oh splendid. But my horse was a bit temperamental this morning and decided it was beneath him to pull my carriage. I had to walk all the way here in my brand new boots, ignoring the numerous puddles on my voyage.” 

“Oh my Sir Ethan, that’s terrible!” Rose yelped, her eyes shining with excitement. 

“Do they always do that?” Ethan felt himself stiffen at Ryan’s question and tried to tune out Miles’s response to no avail. 

“Pretty much. It started when Ethan was watching a Robin Hood cartoon with Rose and she loved the way the characters talked. It’s been going on for three years now.”

Ethan felt his fingers tighten around his fork and forced himself to smile at Rose. He didn’t like Miles talking about him to Ryan, telling him about his relationship with Rose. It was none of Ryan’s business. It was Ethan’s private life, didn’t Miles get that?

“So Rose,” Ethan said, speaking normally, “How’s school? Did you guys have a Christmas production?”

Rose nodded excitedly, “Oh yeah. We did a short version of ‘A Christmas Carol.'”

“Oh, that sounds like fun. What part did you play?” Ryan asked brightly.

“Excuse me, I believe I was talking to Rose,” Ethan snapped, glaring at Ryan. As soon as the words left his mouth Ethan knew he’d made a huge mistake. The room went dead quiet, everyone reeling from Ethan’s explosive words. None of them had ever seen Ethan less than jovial and didn’t know what to do.

Miles pushed his chair back and stood up, “Ethan maybe we should talk in the other room.” 

Ethan slowly got up and followed Miles out the door, his eyes glued to the ground to avoid the confused and shocked looks he knew were on everyone’s faces. 

Miles walked into the family room and closed the door behind Ethan. Ethan couldn’t lift his eyes from the ground, his heart racing. Miles was probably pissed off and Ethan didn’t know what to say. He had every right to be angry. It wasn’t the first time Ethan had seen him angry, but it was never directed at him. Ethan swallowed as Miles’s shoes appeared in his line of vision and he realized how close they stood. 

“What the hell was that about?” Miles asked, his voice tight.

Ethan swallowed, “Sorry. I’m just not in a good mood.”

“You haven’t been in a good mood for weeks!” Miles said, his voice rising slightly. “I’ve tried calling you and talking to you and you won’t tell me anything.”

Ethan felt a flash of irritation. When he’d tried to contact Miles, Miles had been too busy. But now that Miles was calling him he was expected to respond? 

His eyes full of the rage he’d been feeling for weeks Ethan finally looked up and met Miles’s eyes. “I told you I was busy. Just like you were busy before when I was trying to call you.”

“What are you talking about?”

“For the last two months when I call and try and hang out you cancel or tell me you’re busy. With Ryan. But now that Ryan wants to spend time together, suddenly you call me up and want to hang! That’s not how friendships work!” 

“I wasn’t ignoring you. Maybe I was busy with Ryan but that’s how relationships work. You know how it is. You’ve dated.”

“And I’ve always put you first!” Ethan yelled, not caring how loud and hysterical he sounded. “Every time I was in a relationship I put you first. When you called I answered. When you wanted to see me I cancelled my dates. That’s how it should be!”

“No it isn’t!” Miles screamed back. “Just because you treated your exes like shit doesn’t mean I’m going to treat Ryan the same way. I’m not like you. When I date, I’m serious and I give it 100% of my attention. Unlike you I value the people I date.”

Ethan felt like Miles had slapped him and dumped cold water on him at the same time. They’d joked about how Ethan bounces from one guy to another before. But Miles had never criticized him for it. Ethan swallowed and fought back tears he hated as they formed in his eyes. 

“I didn’t realize you thought of me that shallowly. I’m surprised you want to spend any time with me.”

Miles’s expression slackened and he rubbed his hand over his face. “Ethan, I don’t.”

“You wouldn’t have said it if you didn’t think it,” Ethan replied hollowly. “I’m going home. I don’t think I should be here anymore.”

Ethan walked towards the family room doors, waiting for Miles to call him back. He thought he could actually hear his heart break as he walked out of the house and down the driveway, and Miles never came after him. 

 

Miles sank onto the couch, running his hands over his face. Nothing he said to Ethan was wrong. But it didn’t mean he could say it. Ethan was right when he said he was putting Ryan first. But that’s just how relationships work. Miles knew he wasn’t wrong, but he felt like crap anyway.

“Knock knock,” Ryan called out from the doorway. “Can I come in?”

Miles nodded and Ryan walked in and sat next to Miles. “I heard your argument with Ethan. Well, we all heard. You guys were kind of loud.”

Miles groaned and covered his face with his hands, “Crap. Kevin is going to give me hell for that later.” 

“Have you really been cancelling on Ethan a lot?” 

“I don’t know,” Miles confessed. “I thought I wasn’t but maybe I was.” 

“You should spend more time with him. You’re his best friend and he really needs you.” 

“And you’re OK with that?” Miles asked.

Ryan smiled gently and kissed Miles on the cheek, “What kind of boyfriend would I be if I came between you and your friend?” 

Miles beamed and kissed Ryan gently on the lips. “I’ll call him tomorrow. Right now we have to go back to the dining room and, well, act like normal.” 

“My suggestion? Ask Little James about his new Lego set. He’ll dominate the conversation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. Ethan finally reached his breaking point, and handled it like the big kid he is. Although he was immature, I felt bad for confused little Ethan and understand his frustration.   
> Next, Ethan finally has en epiphany...and we reach the end of this stage in Ethan and Miles's life.


	10. Chapter 10

Ethan groaned as he rolled on his bed. He’d wandered outside for as long as he could in the cold weather after his big blow out with Miles, feeling depressed and restless. When he’d finally gotten home he’d ignored his family, gone to his bedroom, locked the door and cried himself to sleep. It was over. Friendship of seven years gone down the drain. Ethan wasn’t going to lie to himself and pretend it will be easy to get over Miles but he needed to be able to move on. He’ll be used to it eventually. 

There was a sudden knock on the door then Claire’s voice called out his name, “Ethan can I come in?”

Ethan blearily stared at the door, then finally rolled off the bed and unlocked it. He didn’t look at Claire as she opened the door and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. 

“Mom and dad are worried. What’s wrong?”

Ethan sat on the edge of the bed while Claire sat on his desk chair opposite him. Ethan was tempted to tell her nothing was wrong, to try and take on his burden alone. But when he saw how concerned she looked he felt the whole story pouring out. How Miles had met someone and hadn’t told him, how he ignored Ethan to spend more time with Ryan, Ethan’s jealousy and their inevitable argument yesterday. Ethan didn’t try to hide any of his feelings and admitted what he did wrong as well. No point in lying. 

Claire listened the whole time, her face expressions unchanging as she absorbed everything Ethan told her. 

“And now I think our relationship is over,” Ethan concluded, sighing in despair. “I was such an idiot. All because I got jealous because Miles didn’t put me first. Stupid.”

“You’re right that you’re jealous, but I don’t think it’s because Miles ignored you,” Claire responded cautiously. “I think it’s because you’re in love with Miles.”

Ethan stared at Claire incomprehensibly. He opened and closed his mouth several times before he could finally respond. “Me in love with Miles? No way.”

“Think about it Ethan,” Claire said, her voice becoming more rushed. “You care about him more than anyone else. You confide in him. You always put him first before any of your boyfriends or other friends. You talk to him every day. You hated it when he found someone else. You said yourself you only started to feel jealous when you saw the two of them together and wanted to push Ryan away from him. I think you love Miles and just didn’t realize it.”

Ethan continued staring at Claire in shock, his mind racing. Gabe had told him the same thing months ago when they broke up and Ethan had dismissed him. But now that Claire was saying it, Ethan found he couldn’t ignore her words. Was he in love with Miles? Sure he thought about him a lot. And his heart races when they’re together. He loves it when Miles touches him and ruffles his hair. He trusts him more than anyone else in the world. He hated that Ryan was there, standing next to him and holding his hand….when it should be Ethan! Ethan’s eyes widened as his thoughts spiraled, ending with an image of Ethan kissing Miles, and his body shook at the realization of how much he wanted that to become a reality. 

“I’m in love with Miles,’ Ethan whispered. 

Ethan barely finished his sentence when his phone rang. Ethan looked over and started, his heart racing when he saw Miles’s name on the display screen. Ethan looked at Claire beseechingly, asking his little sister to save him from..he didn't know what. “What should I do?”

Claire grabbed the phone and answered it. “Hi Miles. It’s Claire. Sorry Ethan isn’t feeling well. He got sick yesterday. Yeah the idiot walked around in the snow for a while and now he’s sick. Mom wants him to stay at home till he’s better. No you shouldn’t come visit him. He’s too sick to really talk much. I’ll tell him you called. Yeah I’ll call you when he’s better. Bye.”

Claire hung up and switched off the phone. Ethan stared at her in amazement, disbelief at the lies Claire said so smoothly.

“That should buy you a bit of time until you decide what you want to do,” Claire said. She looked at Ethan, her eyes full of sympathy. “I won’t tell you what to do. It’s going to be up to you. Ignore your feelings, hide them, or tell Miles and take a risk. Just make sure you don’t have any regrets.” 

With that Claire walked out of the room, leaving Ethan’s thoughts in turmoil. 

 

Miles walked to Ethan’s university campus, his strides purposeful and full of suppressed anger. He’d called Ethan several times since the disastrous Christmas lunch two weeks ago and Ethan’s phone was always off. Miles had called Claire and she kept telling him that Ethan was still recovering. Miles was going to go straight to his house after New Years but Claire told him they were going to go visit their grandmother in Maine. But there would be no escaping him this time. Classes had started and Miles knew Ethan would never skip. 

Miles almost reached the computer graphics building when he saw Ethan come out with a couple of his friends. Miles sped up and called out Ethan’s name. He saw Ethan’s head snap up and his body start when he saw Miles. He hurriedly waved good bye to his friends...then the little prick ran off, away from Miles! Miles growled and took off after him. 

While Ethan did hike, he was nowhere near as fit as Miles. It didn’t take Miles long to catch up to Ethan in a clearing behind some buildings and tackle him.. Miles heard Ethan grunt as Miles’s body slammed into his and the two toppled to the ground with Ethan under him. Luckily the snow was pretty thick and cushioned their fall. Panting, Miles sat up and glared down at Ethan, “You can’t run now, and we’re going to talk whether you like it or not.” Miles saw Ethan’s shoulders hunch protectively for a few seconds before he finally went limp and nodded. Miles got up and pulled Ethan up with him. 

They were both covered in snow and Ethan looked so miserable Miles felt a pang of guilt. He quickly shoved it aside as he dusted Ethan off, frowning when Ethan winced. 

“Stop looking like that. I’m not hitting you that hard.” 

Once he was done Miles finally stepped back and looked at Ethan assessingly. In the two weeks he hadn’t seen Ethan his best friend had changed and Miles couldn’t help the spasm of concern that went through him as he took in the dark circles under Ethan’s eyes and his sunken cheeks. Ethan had clearly not been eating or sleeping well. Miles knew he would take their argument hard but not to this extent. 

Miles rubbed the back of his neck, his anger fizzing out and looked around and saw an empty bench. “Want to sit?” Ethan nodded and they walked over. Miles swept the snow off with his arm and the two sat in silence for several moments. Now that his anger had faded Miles didn’t know what to say. He and Ethan had never argued like that before and he didn’t quite know yet how to mind the rift. 

“I’m sorry I was rude to Ryan,” Ethan finally said. “He didn’t deserve it.”

Miles sighed in relief. It was all going to work out after all. “That’s OK. I’m sure he’ll accept your apology. And he and I talked and we agreed that I shouldn’t just prioritize him and spend more time with you.” Miles grinned broadly and clasped Ethan’s shoulder, “It’ll take some time but we’ll figure it out.”

Miles’s relief and optimism faded at the hollow look in Ethan’s eyes when he turned to look at him. “And if I don’t want it to work out?” 

Miles swallowed nervously, his hand frozen on Ethan’s shoulder. “What do you mean?”

Ethan looked deeply into Miles’s eyes for a few seconds and Miles felt his blood race with anxiety. What Ethan said next, and the scene that would unfold afterwards would haunt Miles for years to come. 

“I love you Miles,” Ethan stated.

“Well, I love you too.” 

Ethan continued to stare deeply into Miles’s eyes, “No, I mean love love. I’m in love with you. As in I want to date you.”

Miles felt his whole world turn upside down. His blood froze, he felt disconnected from his body and Ethan’s words kept replaying in his head. Hewent over each word, trying to determine if he misunderstood him. 

“You..love me,” Miles finally croaked.

“Yes. That’s why I’ve been so off lately. I didn’t realize it till after we argued though.” 

Miles swallowed and finally removed his hand from Ethan’s shoulder and turned around so he was facing the rest of the campus. Ethan loved him? Since when? And what did it mean? What was Miles supposed to do with this information? He loved Ethan sure, but as a friend. He never once thought of him beyond that. Then there was Ryan, oh god Ryan. What was he going to do? What would he tell him? Did he have to tell him? Of course he did, but...did he? It would only make things awkward and worse between him and Ethan. 

Miles couldn’t decide which question to focus on first when Ethan broke into his thoughts. “What do you think?” 

Miles gaped at Ethan, his mind in turmoil. “What?” 

“I said what do you think? Do you think you could love me?” 

Miles gazed at his best friend, his soul mate and tried to imagine dating him, kissing him, making love to him….and found his heart was empty. “No,” Miles replied, his voice sounding hollow. “I don’t think I can. You’re my friend Ethan and...I don’t think I’ll see you as anything but that.”

Ethan swallowed and Miles knew that he was fighting back tears. Part of him wanted to hug Ethan and take it all back and make Ethan smile and laugh again. But he couldn’t lie to him. As his best friend he owed him that much.

Ethan nodded slowly, “I need time. Away from you. I can’t see you for a while.” 

Miles nodded, “I understand.” 

Slowly, Ethan got up and walked away. And for the rest of his life, Miles would always regret not going after him.

 

Three months later, Miles was sorting through his e-mail, checking again to see if he got any job offers. His email pinged and he saw a message from Ethan. His heart raced and his hands got clammy. He hadn’t seen Ethan or contacted him at all in the last three months, just like Ethan asked. He'd grabbed his phone to call him several times, finally tossing it aside after several minutes of struggling when he recalled Ethan's shattered expression when Miles told him..... 

Licking his lips nervously, Miles clicked open the email. 

Hey Miles,

Hope you’ve been good. I’ve been OK. Had a lot to think about the last few months. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Claire and we get along really well now. Sean is really pissed off about that but we figured we’d invite him into the fold in a year or two. 

I hope your job applications are going well and you get your dream job. You are such an amazing person Miles and deserve only good things in your life. 

I’ve been thinking about how much I love you the last few months and what it means for us. You’re my first love so it took me a while to figure out what I think of love and how I can handle being rejected by you. And I came to realize that I can’t. I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving you no matter how hard I try. And as we saw, I won’t be able to handle seeing you with someone else. Seeing you with Ryan and my behaviour showed me how selfish I am when I’m in love. I’m not happy about it but I can’t stop it either. 

Which is why I’m going to accept a job in Portland. I got the acceptance a few months ago and didn’t get a chance to tell you. I didn’t want to move because, like you, I wanted to stay near my family and my best friend. But now I think it’s what’s best, for both of us. 

I won’t contact you anymore and I hope you don’t contact me. We had a good run and we went through a lot together. But now we have to take different paths in life. 

I hope you and Ryan are happy together and you stay the same wonderful, amazing, kind and generous person I was proud to call my best friend and fell in love with. 

Good bye

Ethan

 

END OF PART ONE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, writing this chapter broke my heart.   
> This is the end of Part 1 and we end the university years. Part 2 takes place five years later and there have been lots of changes, especially for Miles, as he tries to become more independent. Don't worry, Miles and Ethan will meet up soon, I promise. I can't drag out the angst.


	11. Part 2: Five Years Later

Five Years Later

 

Miles finished typing the last sentence on his report before he emailed it to his superior and switched off his computer. It was almost midnight and he’d been rushing to finish his report on the crime scene in the nearby park for hours. The place had been a mess and it had taken hours for him and the other teches to sort through the various evidence. They’d drawn lots to see who would have to actually write the final report and Miles had lost, hence why he was burning the midnight oil while everyone else left hours ago.

Miles took a long drink of his now cold coffee before he chucked the container in the trash. Did he have time to get some dinner? Did he even want to? It was so late already. He should probably just head home.

With a sigh, Miles packed up and drove home. Luckily he and Ryan had found an apartment that was close to the station and Ryan’s office so it wasn’t too long of a drive. He let himself into the apartment and found all the lights were off. Ryan was probably in bed already. Miles shrugged out of his clothes and put them in the laundry basket before going to wash up in the bathroom. Once he was done brushing his teeth he quietly slid into the bed next to Ryan, trying hard not to jostle the mattress too much.

“Hey,” Ryan’s voice came groggily through the dark.

“Hey,” Miles replied softly. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s fine,” Ryan replied, turning over to look at Miles. “I won’t be able to see you in the morning. I have to leave early to attend that conference in Washington.”

“Right the conference,” Miles said, wracking his brain to remember the text Ryan sent him about it. “How long is it again?”

“Five days.”

“Not too bad. I’ll miss you.”

Ryan smiled softly, his eyes drooping, “I’ll miss you too,” he mumbled.

Carefully, Miles tucked the blanket around Ryan’s neck and settled into his pillow.

 

 

“Where’s Ryan this weekend?” Kevin asked at breakfast on Saturday.

Since he moved in with Ryan four years ago, it was customary for Miles to come have breakfast every Saturday with James and Kevin. Usually Ryan came along as well but his attendance was sporadic the last few months due to his work schedule. While he did have fixed hours there were occasional emergency calls, some even at night.

“Conference in Washington. He’ll be back in a couple of days,” Miles replied around a mouthful of eggs.

“It feels like it’s been a long time since we saw him,” Kevin said. Miles felt the muscles in his back tighten in annoyance. It wasn’t the first time Kevin had commented on Ryan’s absence and Miles couldn’t figure out what bugged Kevin about it exactly. Did he think Ryan was neglecting Miles? Sure they didn’t see each other very often but they were both busy. It wasn’t like Miles was just sitting around waiting for Ryan.

“Rose’s graduation is in a few months. Have you two thought of a present yet?” James asked calmly.

Miles gratefully leaped onto the change in topic and started listing various gifts he thought Rose would enjoy. “I was thinking a new Kindle. Her’s is so old now. Or a new laptop. Since she wants to be a graphic designer she’ll need a different computer program than what she has now.”

“I think those would be nice. But maybe something else a bit more fun as well,” Kevin replied.

“A fun gift and a practical one. Sounds perfect,” James cut in.

Miles sighed and continued eating. It wasn’t the first time James had had to smooth out conversations between him and Kevin. Ever since their huge argument four years ago Miles and Kevin’s relationship had become more awkward and strained. Miles still remembered it almost word for word. He had graduated and hadn’t gotten accepted at any of the police stations in the area. Instead he’d gotten a job at a small lab close by, analyzing blood samples while he kept applying. Kevin and James had once again encouraged him to go somewhere else but Miles refused. Not only did he not want to leave them, but he and Ryan had been talking about living together and he still needed to finish his post graduate work.

James had been understanding but still sad that Miles wasn’t doing what he wanted to do. Kevin though, had been upset and he’d let Miles know it. He kept telling Miles long distance relationships are fine and they build strength of character blah blah blah. One day, Miles had snapped.

“ _I’m sick and tired of you telling me how to live my life,” Miles had snapped._

_“I’m not trying to control you Miles,” Kevin argued back._

_“I’m just trying to help you. You hate your job. It’s boring. It’s obvious and I don’t want you to live your life doing a job you hate. That’s not why James and I sent you to university.”_

_“It’s my choice! If I want to live at that lab for the next ten years that’s what I’ll do!”_

_“Why are you being so stubborn about this?” Kevin had exclaimed. “Don’t you get it? I’m trying to look out for you kid, just like I’ve always done.”_

_“Well I’m not a kid anymore. And I don’t need your help or your guidance. It must piss you off having the messed up kid you took in grow up and actually have his own opinions.”_

_“That’s not true. I raised you to be able to think for yourself. Always.”_

_“You didn’t raise me! You just picked me off of the street. Made yourself feel like a big hero didn’t it. Well I don’t need you to save me anymore so butt out!”_

_Kevin had only stared at Miles before finally nodding and walking out of the room._

Once he had calmed down Miles regretted his words. He had just been frustrated because Ethan was gone, Ryan was busy and he hated his job. And having Kevin try and give him solutions wasn’t what he needed to hear. Also, he’d needed an outlet to vent his frustrations. He’d apologized to Kevin afterwards and Kevin told him it was fine and he understood. But since then there had always been a line drawn between them that neither crossed. They never spent time alone together and they always tried to keep their conversations polite but every once in awhile, like now, Kevin’s disapproval came through and Miles would feel that urge to fight back.

James told him it was because he and Kevin were so close and they were trying to figure out how to deal with each other as adults. That it would pass one day and they’d have a new relationship that might be even stronger than the one they had before. Miles certainly hoped so. He missed talking to Kevin; he was like his dad, big brother, and best friend all combined. And with Ethan gone Miles really needed people he cared about.

After breakfast, Miles went to the family room to relax with a video game while James went to his studio.

“Can I join you?” Kevin asked from the living room doorway. Miles flicked his eyes at him briefly from the screen as he continued navigating his soldier through the building full of mercenaries. “Sure.”

Kevin strolled in and sat next to Miles, watching him play for a few minutes in silence. “We need to talk.”

Miles hit the pause button and turned to look at him, “If it’s about my relationship with Ryan I don’t want to hear it. You’ve made your disapproval pretty clear.”

Kevin looked affronted, “I don’t disapprove. I’m just concerned. We haven’t seen him in almost three months and from the sound of it you don’t see him much either.”

“We’re both really busy. You know what it’s like when you’re starting your career. It takes up most of your time and you have to do the grunt work. We both understand and we’re fine with it.”

“And that’s the problem.” Miles stared at Kevin in confusion, replaying his words in his mind to make sure he heard him right. “You think Ryan and I being OK with being busy is a problem,” he said slowly.

“Yes I do. When you are OK about not seeing the other person and you stop missing them or thinking about them, it’s a sign that the love is dying out.”

Miles opened his mouth, ready to made a scathing retort but couldn’t find the words. Kevin was right that he didn’t miss Ryan much anymore. Their sex life was certainly almost non-existent and he found he didn’t mind too much. And Ryan didn’t seem to either. The whole reason he fell for Ryan was because he had a comfortable vibe that reminded him of James. It’s not like he was in love with James or anything, it was just comforting and familiar. That’s what made him gravitate to Ryan in the first place. But maybe that complacency was too much now.

“You never feel that way about James? Don’t you feel like you’re fine not seeing him for a few days.”

Kevin leaned back and crossed his arms, thinking of his answer carefully. “There are times when I need to be alone and James and I need space. But I do end up missing him after a day or two.” Kevin noticed Miles’s concerned expression and patted him on the shoulder, “Look, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life. I think we already established that. And there’s nothing wrong with being in a...relaxed and understanding relationship. Some people may even say it’s healthy and mature. But you’re only twenty-six Miles. And you met Ryan when you were still in college. You guys zoomed through the relationship and moved in together within a year. Maybe you’re both fine with the way your relationship is. But maybe you both deserve more than a ...part-time lover.”

Miles sat back, thinking about what Kevin said and assessing his entire relationship. He was so engrossed in his thoughts he didn’t even notice when Kevin left. He loved Ryan. He really did. If he tried he could spend the rest of life with him. He could imagine them growing old together, sometimes talking, sometimes sitting in silence. And felt…fine.

Miles sighed and wished he still had Ethan around to talk to about this. Ethan would probably tell him to stop overthinking everything and just jump in. Or out as the case may be. Miles once again imagine his best friend’s face and felt a pang of regret. While he didn’t think about him everyday, there were times, at least once every couple of weeks, that Miles would think about him. What was Ethan doing now? Had he changed? Did he love his job? Did he have a new boyfriend, a steady one? It killed him that he had no form of contact at all. He knew Luke and Connor talked to him occasionally but he always resisted the urge to ask about him, choosing to respect Ethan’s last wish that they stay out of each other’s lives. Miles sat there for hours, thinking about Ethan and how it all went wrong, and whether or not he and Ryan had reached the end of their journey.

 

 

Miles was sitting on the living room couch flipping through the TV channels when he heard the front door open. He looked up and saw Ryan walk in, wheeling in his trolley.

“Welcome back,” Miles said.

Ryan smiled weakly, “Thanks.”

“You hungry? I have some left overs I can heat up for you.”

Ryan shook his head, “I just want to take a shower.”

Miles watched Ryan walk into the bedroom, trying to figure out how to bring up the subject of their relationship. Was now the right time to talk about it? Miles was so lost in thought he didn’t realize Ryan had finished showering until he sat down next to him, his hair still damp.

“How was your weekend?” Ryan asked.

“Good, good. Went to see James and Kevin. I stayed over there actually.”

Ryan nodded his head absently. Miles felt his hands begin to sweat and noticed Ryan was also pulling on a loose thread in his PJ pants nervously. Miles knew why he was anxious but why was Ryan? Miles was trying to figure out how to break the silence when Ryan beat him to the punch.

“I think we need to talk.”

Miles nodded slowly, “Yeah I think so.”

Ryan looked at Miles, his expression full of compassion and regret, “You feel it too don’t you. That we’ve reached the end.”

Miles had imagined this scene all weekend. He’d thought it would be more emotional and his heart would be racing and he and Ryan would argue and hurl their angry emotions at each other. Then he realized that’s not how he and Ryan worked and his heart was...settled. They both knew this was coming, probably for awhile. They just didn’t want to admit it.

“Yeah, I think so too.”

Ryan smiled wanly and leaned back against the armrest, “Where do you think we went wrong? Should we have tried harder to spend time together?”

“I don’t think we did anything wrong,” Miles said. “I think we just met when we were young and driven and now we’re in a phase in our lives where our careers come first. Maybe we just had the type of relationship that sparks quickly then...fizzles out. We can talk about it forever and dissect each moment of our relationship. Or we can accept that we loved each other, supported each other through years of tough transitions, but now we need to go down..different paths in life.”

Ryan nodded and tears formed in his eyes, “I really loved being with you. And I can’t imagine how the last five years would have been like without you.”

“Same here,” Miles said softly and enveloped Ryan in a supportive hug, letting his own tears fall slowly down his cheeks, mourning the end of his first love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm ashamed to admit that I channeled a bit of my own experience, and some of my friend's, when writing about Miles trying to break out of the child/parent role with Kevin. He can be such a pain. On one hand, he wants to stay near Kevin and James, and on the other he wants to become independent.  
> I don't know if any one noticed, but I was trying to show how detached Miles and Ryan are now from each other through the sentence structure and tone in their scenes. 
> 
> We're now at the end of Ryan's part in the story. He really was a great first boyfriend for Miles I think. I was debating bringing him in later but I think there's enough closure in this chapter. Plus I want to make the rest of the story all about Miles and Ethan. Those two have been apart way too long already.


	12. Chapter 12

“I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” Ethan called out as he walked out the front door of his parent’s house. He stepped out onto the sidewalk and pulled out his cellphone. He saw that he got a bunch of texts from Connor and Luke and sighed. He knew that as soon as they found out he was back in town they’d call him and try to meet up. It wasn’t like he was free. He was busy taking Claire to the hospital for her dialysis appointments, taking care of work stuff on his computer, comforting his mom every time she got anxious, which was almost every hour while they waited for the phone to ring about a donor. 

 

Oh OK fine. Ethan swore he’d always be honest with himself and the truth was he didn’t want to see Luke and Connor because they reminded him too much of Miles. He’d never told them why he and Miles don’t talk anymore but they may have guessed it. And he didn’t put it past them to try and reconcile them. That was something he was definitely not interested in doing. Absolutely. Possitivlitobly. 

 

Suddenly, Ethan’s phone rang and he saw Connor’s name flash across the screen. He suppressed a groan and answered. “Hey, what’s up?”

 

“Hey you all settled in now?” 

 

Ethan remembered how he texted Connor days ago, claiming he needed to get sorted before he could meet up. “Yeah everything's fine now. Well, as fine as they can be.”

 

“How’s Claire?” Connor asked sympathetically.

 

“She’s doing fine actually. You’d think she wasn’t suffering from kidney failure, again. She’s determined to stay positive and she’s still working part-time. Luckily the magazine she works for is pretty understanding.” 

 

“That’s good. Gotta stay positive. So when are we going to see you?” 

 

Ethan rolled his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, “I don’t know. Tell me your schedule and I’ll tell you when I’m free.” 

 

“Actually, we’re having a birthday party for Sam and Rachel this weekend.” Ethan quickly did the math and realized that Little Sam was nine now while Rachel, who he had only seen through pictures, was two. Ethan felt a stab of guilt that he hadn’t been around, especially considering how close he felt to Sam. 

 

“I think I can make it.”

 

“I’ll be honest with you,” Connor said cautiously, “Miles will be there.”

 

Ethan felt his blood freeze at the sound of Miles’s name and his throat went dry. He knew it was a possibility that he’d run into Miles at some point. Especially if he wanted to spend time with Connor and Luke. And he wasn’t going to be going back to Florida anytime soon. Might as well bite the bullet since the opportunity presented itself.

 

“Yeah I figured. I’ll be there. What time?”

 

 

 

Ethan took a deep breath, grasped the bag of presents more tightly and rang the doorbell to Connor and Karen’s house. They had moved out of Connor’s parents house three years ago and moved into a nice little bungalow in a mediocre neighborhood. Ethan couldn’t help smiling as he noticed the medium sized bike on the porch. Guess Sam started riding without bicycle trainers while he was away. 

 

The door opened and Ethan saw Connor standing there, a huge grin on his face. “Well well, look what the cat dragged in.”

 

Ethan chuckled and hugged his friend in greeting. “Yeah I know it’s been a long time.” 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Ethan saw a flash of bright clothing. He looked down and noticed...no. It couldn’t be.

 

“Baby Sammy?” Ethan exclaimed.

 

Sam laughed, “Not a baby anymore Uncle Ethan.” 

 

A warm feeling spread through Ethan’s chest, “You still remember me?” 

 

Sam grinned, “Of course I do. And if I ever forget Dad would show me your picture and when we would watch some cartoons he’d always say ‘That’s the one you used to watch with your Uncle Ethan.’”

 

Sam grabbed Ethan’s hand, “Come on! You have to see Rachel. You never met her.” Ethan allowed himself to be dragged into the house, trying not to trip over any of the numerous carpets lying around as he followed the young boy. He’d only been gone for five years but time really had continued. Claire was an established journalist, Sean finished university and just started working at a small gaming company and Baby Sammy wasn’t a baby anymore. 

 

Ethan had tried so hard not to think about the life and people he left behind when he left. His love for Miles had driven him away, but in the process he’d lost everyone he cared about. He’d visited over the years but they were always brief and he barely had time to spend with his family. 

 

Ethan saw Karen and walked over to give her a hug and looked down at Rachel who clung to her mother’s pants. “She’s gotten so big,” Ethan said. 

 

Karen chuckled as she gently pulled Rachel forward, “Of course. Especially since you’ve only seen pictures of her.”

 

“Don’t remind me,” Ethan mumbled. 

 

Ethan stared into Rachel’s big blue eyes, just like Karen’s, and felt like he’d sink into them. “Hi Rachel. I’m Uncle Ethan. I have something in my pocket. Do you want to see it?”

 

Rachel looked at him suspiciously before nodding her head. Ethan slowly reached into his pocket, feeling excited by the eager look on Rachel’s face, and pulled out a miniature Elsa doll. Rachel gasped and reached out her hand to take it but Ethan drew back. 

 

“This isn’t for you. It’s mine. But you can play with me if you want.” 

 

Rachel nodded and grabbed Ethan outstretched hand and the two walked into the living room. Ethan was doing pretty well balancing playing with Rachel and listening to Sam talk at rapid speed about his favorite shows. Slowly, the guests began to arrive and Ethan realized he was starting to get nervous. He tried to focus on Rachel who was close to tearing the Elsa doll apart when he heard a voice he never thought he’d hear again.

 

“Hey Miles you made it,” Connor’s voice carried through the living room doorway. 

 

Ethan’s heart began to race and he tried to take a deep breath to calm it. Maybe if he counted sheep. But that was for sleeping. But who said it wouldn’t work now? Ethan was still contemplating if the sheep had to be white or grey when he finally saw Miles. He looked the same and different at the same time. His hair was shorter and more clean cut. He wore snug jeans rather than the slightly baggy ones he used to favor. And his eyes, they still had that spark of earnestness that attracted Ethan in the first place. He’d gotten even more handsome. How fair was that?

 

Miles finally caught site of Ethan on the floor and froze. Ethan didn’t know if Connor told him he was coming and felt even more awkward. 

 

“Hey,” Miles finally said.

 

“Hey,” Ethan replied. He sounded normal right? That pounding sound was in his head not outside. No one could hear his heart racing a mile a minute right?

 

“Look Uncle Miles, Uncle Ethan got me a remote controlled car!” Sam cut in. 

 

Miles beamed and bent down, “That’s awesome. Let me see.”

 

And with that it was over, their reunion after five years and lots of heartbreak and it ended in less than ten seconds. Ethan was reflecting on how anticlimactic the moment had been when Miles whispered. “You free after? We can go for a walk and catch up.”

 

Ethan swallowed and flexed his hands nervously, “Okay.”

 

 

 

Four hours later Miles and Ethan were walking down one of the main shopping streets. They’d been together for twenty minutes and so far neither of them had said a word. 

 

Finally, Ethan couldn’t handle the tension anymore and blurted out, “How are James and Kevin?”

 

Miles started, “Good, they’re good. They went to Italy recently. Of course James spent most of his time looking at the artwork so Kevin was a bit lonely at first but they worked it out. They plan on going again and staying a lot longer.”

 

Ethan chuckled, “Sounds about right. And Rose? And little James?”

 

“Well, little James isn’t so little anymore. He’s going to be starting high school next year. And Rose is graduating in a few weeks.”

 

“You’re kidding!” Ethan exclaimed, “Princess Rose is graduating high school? Do you have a picture?”

 

Miles laughed and pulled out his cellphone. They found an empty bench and sat down and spent the next half hour going through pictures on Miles’s phone. Ethan peppered Miles with questions, his curiosity and desire to know more about the people he cared about consuming him to the point he forgot he was even talking to Miles. 

 

“Oh man. I can’t believe how big they’ve gotten. And figures James would turn out to be a bit of a handful.”

 

Miles chuckled as he put his phone back in his pocket, “Yeah, it’s driving Mark crazy. Kevin keeps telling him it’s young energy but Mark is worried he’ll never outgrow it.” 

 

“Hey, if I can grow up so can anyone else.”

 

The two laughed, the atmosphere around them both comfortable and familiar. It was like no time had passed at all and they were just continuing a conversation they had the other day. Then Miles asked a question that changed everything.

 

“How’s Claire?” Miles asked quietly.

 

Ethan tensed, his hands clenching as he tried to smile, “She’s fine.”

 

“No, really how is she?” 

 

Ethan looked at Miles and saw the compassionate expression on his face and wanted to wrap his arms around him, cry and let all his emotions loose. He hadn’t done that since, well, the last time he and Miles were together. No matter how many people he met, Ethan had never found anyone he could open up to like Miles. 

 

“She’s worried but she hides it. Especially from Mom and Dad. I tried to get her to open up about it once but she snapped at me that she couldn’t break down because she needed to keep going. She’s strong. Stronger than me.” 

 

Miles placed his hand on Ethan’s shoulder and Ethan smiled wanly, fighting back the tears he tried so hard to suppress ever since he got that phone call a year and a half ago  that Claire’s kidney was starting to fail and she’d need another transplant. 

 

“I’m trying my best to cheer them up. You know, my role as the family goof ball.”

 

“That sounds about right,” Miles said, smiling encouragingly. “Look, I know we don’t talk anymore, but I still think of you as my best friend. If it ever gets too much and you need to talk, call me. OK?” 

 

Ethan wanted to say no. He should say no. The fact was he still loved Miles and being away for five years didn’t change that. But he didn’t think he could handle going through the hell of waiting for Claire to get better alone. So he nodded, “I will, thanks.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it, our two main leads finally reunited! I started dropping some hints on how Ethan has changed in this chapter, but you won't get a full picture yet until these two get their shit together a bit more.


	13. Chapter 13

“Here, I’ll carry your bag,” Ethan told Claire as they left the dialysis room at the hospital.

“When did you turn into such a gentleman?” Claire asked.

“I’ve always been one. You were too busy with your nose stuck in a book to notice.”

Claire looked at Ethan curiously, “Are you quoting 'Beauty and the Beast?'” 

Ethan stopped in his tracks and clenched Claire’s hand in excitement, “I’m so proud of you for recognizing it! Nice to know that all those hours educating you on Disney wasn’t a waste.”

“You kidding? I think I still have the whole soundtrack to ‘I’ll Make a Man Out of You’ memorized.”

“Cuz it’s a great song!” Ethan said.

Claire chuckled, “Yeah I will admit that.”

Ethan grinned as he and Claire walked to the car park, trying to ignore how pale she looked. Claire had been adamant that she wanted everyone to behave as naturally as possible. Which meant that Ethan had to hide his anxiety and fulfill his role as the cheerful older brother again. 

As soon as they drove off Claire asked, “So have you seen Miles yet?”

Ethan almost jerked the wheel in shock. Trust his journalist sister to go straight for the kill. “Yeah I did.”

“And?”

“What do you want to hear?”

“Are you friends again?”

Ethan paused contemplating his answer, “We aren’t friends friends, but we agreed to talk while I’m here. No point avoiding each other.”

“Does he know you still love him?”

“No. And I’m not going to tell him. What’s the point? He already made it clear that he doesn’t feel that way about me.”

“But maybe he changed his mind? It’s been a long time. He might be feeling that way now.”

Ethan found the urge to snap back. He’d tried so hard to control his immature side over the last few years and he wasn’t going to give into it now just because he was thinking about Miles. 

“I don’t think so Claire.”

“You won’t know if you don’t try.”

Ethan didn’t respond and they spent the rest of the ride in silence.

 

 

Miles looked down at his watch, noticed that Ethan was fifteen minutes late and smiled. Guess some things never change. Since meeting at Connor’s they had met up a couple of times to eat a quick lunch during Miles’s breaks. Miles was happy to see that their conversations still flowed like they used to. He knew he missed Ethan but hadn’t realized how much until he stood in front of him, cracking jokes and telling him about the new show he was working on. Miles hadn’t even realized Ethan had moved to Florida and was working with a network affiliated with Disney, taking steps to achieve his dream. Miles felt a swell of pride that his friend had gone off and accomplished what he’s always wanted to do.

“Sorry I’m late,” Ethan said, panting as he ran over to Miles. “I got caught up with my work.” 

Miles beamed down at him, “No problem, I had a feeling you would be late. You always are.”

“Jerk,” Ethan said offhandedly as he tried to catch his breath.

Miles suppressed a chuckle. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this blissful. He just wanted to spend all day with Ethan, talking or even sitting in silence. He just wanted to be near his best friend. 

“The restaurant is over here,” Miles said and led Ethan to his new favorite sushi restaurant. 

“You should know. The sushi in Florida is amazing. So my bar is pretty high.” 

“Just wait and see. This place will kick Florida's ass.” 

They grinned at each other and Miles once again couldn’t get over how familiar and content these simple moments made him feel. They sat down and ordered a giant sushi boat and proceeded to talk about Rose’s graduation which was fast approaching.

“She wants you to come you know. She was really happy when you went over to visit. She really missed you.”

“I missed her too,” Ethan replied, smiling softly. “She’s a great kid.” 

“James and Kevin heard you went to see Mark and asked when you’d come visit them. They really want to see you.”

If Miles hadn’t been staring at Ethan so intently he would have missed the flicker of discomfort in Ethan’s eyes before he smiled, “I’m trying to find the time to head out there. Work is a bit crazy since I’m so far away. I may actually have to go back for a few days. And Claire really needs me.”

Miles wanted to pry further into Ethan’s reticence on seeing Kevin and James but decided that their new friendship probably couldn’t handle an argument just yet. So he swallowed back his protest. “Yeah I get it. But let me know when you can OK. They really missed you.” 

Ethan nodded and the food arrived. Miles couldn’t stop laughing at the awestruck look on Ethan’s face as he ate the sushi, his eyes closing as he savored each bite. Miles noticed Ethan’s tongue flick out to lick some of the soy sauce on his lip, reminding him of how cute he is when he eats. He always relished every bite, and anyone could tell how much he enjoyed his food. His enthusiasm, as usual, was infectious, making people believe they were eating the best food in the world. 

After they were done eating they decided to go for a walk and get some ice cream. Again, Miles felt satisfied seeing that Ethan still ordered two scoops, in a cone. Miles loved how little Ethan had actually changed the last few years, and how well he still knew his best friend. Miles felt his confidence swell, knowing that he was probably the only one who knew all of Ethan's small habits, and that he was the same old Ethan.

He watched as Ethan licked the ice cream, making sure to catch all the droplets that melted off the side. Miles smiled, fighting back a chuckle at how child like Ethan looked licking his ice cream cone when he felt a tightening in his stomach. Miles’s smile dropped as he recognized that feeling. It was desire. Not full on, I want to press him down and kiss him desire. More like, I want to lick his lips and kiss him softly desire. Which was weird. He was probably just pent up. He hadn’t had sex in a long time and Ethan was considered sensual by some people. Otherwise he wouldn’t have had so many boyfriends.

“If you don’t eat that quick it’s gonna melt,” Ethan said.

Miles started and like that, the moment faded. For days Miles would convince himself that what he felt was an aberration and a consequence of being celibate for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Miles. You delusional little wannabe hero. As I was editing, I realized that while Ethan is trying to process how much people have changed in the previous chapter, Miles is searching for all the ways Ethan hasn't. Guess who knows who is more stuck in the past.   
> Although this is a short chapter, it's one of my favs because it let me really focus on showing the contrast between Miles and Ethan. And their differences will increase as the story progresses and the two get to know each other as adults.


	14. Chapter 14

Once again, Ethan was standing on the other side of a front door, and, once again, he was swallowing nervously as he mustered the courage to ring the doorbell. He’d tried postponing coming to James and Kevin’s house for as long as he could. But when James called him out of the blue a few days ago he couldn’t refuse his polite and sincere desire to see him. So Ethan mustered up his courage and came over.

He knew why he was so hesitant to see them. Their last encounter had been embarrassing as he had snapped at Ryan and walked out of the house. He never said goodbye before he left for Portland and the last image they had of him was a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum. 

There was another reason though. He knew, that if they saw him and asked why he left or so much as mentioned Miles’s name, they’d figure out his feelings for their son. They had always been so perceptive and good at noticing small details and simple changes in expressions. The idea that they’d know how he felt and pity him filled Ethan with such shame he almost bolted down the driveway. But he had made it this far and he owed James and Kevin at least an apology. They had always treated him like family and they deserved better from him. 

Steeling himself, Ethan finally rang the doorbell. Ethan was hit by such a rush of nostalgia he froze for a few seconds to digest the moment when Martin opened the door. 

The older butler smiled warmly, “Welcome back Master Ethan. It’s been too long.” 

Ethan swallowed and stepped into the house, “Thanks Martin. It’s great to see you’re still in such good shape.”

Martin chuckled, “I try Master Ethan.”

“Ethan,” James said.

Ethan looked up and saw James and Kevin standing in the foyer. He felt a strong urge to run over to them, hug them, cry and apologize for leaving without a word, for loving their son, for not being strong enough to stay and fight. Ethan didn’t know what to do and Kevin finally stepped forward and gave him a crushing hug.

“Glad you're back Ethan.”

Ethan felt tears form at the corner of his eyes as Kevin released him and James hugged him as well. 

“It’s great to see you Ethan,” James murmured near his ear. 

Hesitantly, Ethan raised his arms and hugged James gently. Finally James stepped back and invited Ethan into the dining room. HE was grateful to have a few moments to compose himself while they walked down the hall. Once they were sitting at the table and Martin served the soup the conversation began to flow. 

“So Ethan, tell us about the company you work for,” Kevin said.

“It’s a great place. They are owned by Disney and create short movies. The one I’m working on is a fantasy one about a fairy who lost her wings and goes on a journey to reclaim her magic.”

“Sounds exciting,” James said. “I like the concept of it.”

Ethan felt himself blush, “Actually it’s mine. I came up with it a long time ago and when I pitched it to my boss he loved it. It’s still in the works and when it’s finally done it’ll only be broadcast on television but I’m pretty excited.”

“That’s amazing!” Kevin exclaimed. “I always knew you’d make it big.”

Ethan chuckled, “I wouldn’t call it big. But I am working hard and my bosses are happy with me. So we’ll see. Miles told me about your trip to Italy. Sounds awesome.”

Kevin groaned and rolled his eyes while James smiled, “It was once we got out into the countryside. We both needed to just get away for awhile.” 

“Don’t blame you. There’s something refreshing about just getting away from it all.”

“Like you did?” Kevin cut in pointedly.

“Kevin. You said you wouldn’t bring it up today,” James reproached.

“Ethan knows I don’t beat around the bush. He was going to talk about it eventually, why not now and just get it out of the way.”

Ethan took a gulp of his water and tried to stop the slight tremor in his hands. He knew Kevin would want to cut straight to the core of the issue. Ethan had tried to figure out what he would say to them and could never decide.

“Look,” Kevin said consolingly, “I’m not angry or accusing you of anything. It just seemed to me that when we last saw you you were running away. And from your guarded attitude right now you still are. You don’t have to tell us why you left. You don’t owe us an explanation. Just know that we’re here if you want to talk. And I will say this, whatever you’re running from, it’s better to just face it. Even if things don’t work out, it’s better than running away your whole life.”

Ethan’s eyelids flickered as he took in Kevin’s encouraging words and James's understanding smile. He felt so overwhelmed he didn’t know how to respond so he simply nodded. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.” 

“Well, now that we got the elephant out of the room so to speak, let’s talk about other stuff,” Kevin said cheerfully.

 

 

Miles tapped his pen against his lips thoughtfully and looked at the clock. Five more minutes before he could clock out. And see Ethan. He hadn’t seen him since that bizarre ice cream sex charged whatever moment last week and Miles felt conflicted. On one hand he wanted to see Ethan again and confirm that what he felt was an anomaly. On the other, he wanted to avoid him and pretend the moment never happened. 

He’d found his mind full of Ethan in the last week. He kept thinking about the fun times they had growing up, the struggles, the simple times they just sat on top of a mountain and looked at the view in silence. He was probably just excited because Ethan was back in his life. No reason to overthink how his body responded when he remembered how Ethan’s tongue had looked, licking the ice cream. How pink and supple it was. How ...no not going there. Miles shifted in his seat, trying to quell his thoughts before his pants got tighter.

This was his best friend for cripes sake! No reason to suddenly lust after him now. Even though he had gotten more beautiful in the last five years. Miles groaned and covered his face with his hands. This wasn’t working.

“Yes, freedom!” Miles’s coworker said and rushed out the doors. Miles sighed, grabbed his wallet and cellphone and left as well. He promised Ethan he’d meet him at the park and they’d get some hot dogs and watch the sun set. Some of their favorite moments had been simply sitting on a park bench or swing, eating junk food and watching the sky turn from blue, to a raging orange and red to black. 

As soon as he got to the park, Miles spotted Ethan’s light brown hair. It wasn’t hard to find him in the deserted park as most of the kids already went home, and it wasn’t a popular park anyway which is why he and Ethan liked it. He took a deep breath. No reason to worry. This was Ethan. His friend. That’s what he needed to remember.

“Hey,” Miles called out. Ethan turned around and smiled, holding out a paper bag.

“Three hot dogs with the works, hold the mustard.”

“You do know how to spoil a guy.”

Ethan laughed and bit into his own hot dog which was a lot simpler. “Work good?”

“Yup. You?”

“Can’t complain,” Ethan replied. “I’m going to have to fly back to Florida for a few days tomorrow though. I have to submit some of my work in person and meet with my boss.”

Miles felt a pang of disappointment, memories of Ethan walking away from him all those years ago flashing through his mind. 

“When will you be back?”

“Nine days give or take,” Ethan said absently, licking some ketchup that had fallen on his wrist. And just like that, that burning desire was back. Miles couldn’t wrench his eyes away from Ethan’s mouth. He was completely mesmerized. 

“What are you staring at you freak?” Ethan asked.

Miles shook his head trying to clear it. “Nothing.” 

Ethan shrugged and continued eating. “What a view.” 

Miles looked up and saw Ethan staring at the sunset. He saw the sun reflected in Ethan’s eyes, the rays turning some of his light brown hair to red. How had he never noticed that Ethan had red highlights? Abruptly, Miles stood up, knocking the bag of hot dogs and the two remaining ones inside it onto the ground.

“Dude! Why’d you do that?” Ethan exclaimed. 

Miles ran his hand over his face and tried to gather his thoughts. Clearly, this attraction wasn’t going to go away. So, what was he going to do about it? He looked down at Ethan and took in the disgruntled look on his face. God help him, he wanted to swoop down and kiss those lips. They looked so pink and inviting. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Ethan asked slowly.

“Like what?” 

“Like...no never mind.”

Miles leaned forward and stopped himself from grabbing Ethan at the last second. “Like what? Tell me? How am I looking at you?”

Ethan looked up and met Miles’s eyes and Miles could see the realization dawning. 

“No no way,” Ethan said as he got up and started walking away. Miles did grab him then, only to stop him from leaving.

“You feel it too don’t you?” 

“Well that’s not exactly news,” Ethan retorted. “You know I love you so it’s not a shock that I’m attracted to you. But you...you said you don’t like me that way.”

“That was back then. Now I think I might.”

“You think?” Ethan snorted derisively, “I’m going to need more than I think. And besides you have Ryan.”

“He and I broke up. Four months ago.” 

Ethan’s could only stare at Miles, mouth slightly agape. “You broke up?” he whispered softly.

Miles stepped forward but didn’t touch Ethan as much as he wanted to. “Yeah we did. It was mutual. It wasn’t working out. And before you jump to conclusions, this isn’t a rebound thing. Ryan and I stopped loving each other a long time ago. This is all me and you. Completely.” 

Ethan blinked, and Miles could see the wheels turning in his head as he tried to process everything Miles was telling him. Eventually, still in a daze, Ethan plopped back onto the bench and Miles sat down next to him. 

Ironically, now that Ethan knew Miles was attracted to him, Miles felt his emotions settle more. He knew he should be more nervous and freaked out but this was Ethan. His best friend. If they tried to have a relationship and it worked, wouldn’t that be the greatest thing ever? 

“I need to think about this,” Ethan finally said. 

Miles tried to hide his frustration. Ethan had waited for him for five years. He could wait a few days. “We’ll talk again when you come back.”

Ethan nodded and the two sat in silence, watching the sky turn from a raging flame to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, the second half of this chapter was awesome to write and I thought of so many ways it would unfold. Figured Miles would, for once, not overthink it cuz, hey, it's Ethan. Let's keep it simple. Or as simple as all this gets.  
> Anyway, the next chapter, oh my god the next chapter!!


	15. Chapter 15

Ethan unlocked his apartment door and kicked it closed behind him. He sighed and sank back against the door, rubbing the back of his neck then his shoulders for good measure. There was so much work to get through he had been staying at work late into the night since he got back five days ago. And if he wanted to get back to Miles fast, he’d have to keep going at a quick pace. 

Ethan blinked and shook his head. No, he wasn’t rushing to get back to Miles. Claire, he had to get back to Claire and his family. 

Ethan sighed and flopped onto the couch. Who was he kidding? Of course he wanted to rush back to Miles. But at the same time he didn’t. He still didn’t know how to respond to Miles’s feelings. He hadn’t outright told Ethan he liked him or, and he felt his heart stutter, love him. But it was clear he was attracted to Ethan and wanted to start a relationship. A lover relationship. 

After all these years, Miles finally liked him back. He should be shouting for joy but he couldn’t. Because, much as he loved Disney and happily ever afters, he knew it didn’t always work that way. Miles might like him now, but what about a year from now or three? Miles had loved Ryan and yet claimed that he stopped loving him a long time ago. How could he trust he won’t feel the same way about him? 

Ethan knew all these thoughts were useless. He was just being a coward, scared of getting hurt, again. But really what did he have to lose? He had lived without Miles for five years and tried his best to forget about him. And failed. They could date and it might work out and they’d be happy, forever. Or they could break up. But at least Ethan will have known he tried. 

Ethan sat up, his jaw clenched with determination. Just like all the heroes in the cartoons he loved he was going to take another risk. Sure the last time he’d poured his heart out to Miles it hadn’t worked out, but he wasn’t going to back away from a challenge. What would Merida say? Although considering she ended up turning her mom and brothers into bears, she wasn’t the best person to try and emulate right now. Either way, Ethan was going to fight for his love because if he didn’t he’d regret it forever. 

 

A week later, Ethan walked up to Miles’s apartment door, still full of the determination he felt a few days ago. He raised his hand and rang the doorbell firmly, ignoring the pounding in his chest. All thoughts of fighting and all the bravery songs he was singing in his head for the last hour vanished as soon as he saw Miles. He felt his legs wobble and knew he was probably gaping unattractively. 

Miles stared down at Ethan, trying to fathom how he was feeling but the blank expression on his face wasn’t helping. 

“You want to come in?”

Hearing Miles’s voice must have jarred Ethan because he suddenly got a sharp look in his eyes and he straightened and puffed out his chest before he walked past Miles and into the apartment. 

“O-kay,” Miles said, following Ethan into the living room. He wanted to sit down so they could talk this out but found Ethan standing in the middle of the room, feet braced apart, fists clenched at his sides. He looked like he was ready for a fight and Miles prepared himself for a shouting match. 

“We should date,” Ethan said in a firm voice.

Miles blinked. That wasn’t what he expected to hear especially considering Ethan’s fighting stance. Then he realized this was Ethan he was talking about and he probably psyched himself up to come tonight. Probably singing some inspiring songs in his head. Miles suppressed his mirth as he knew Ethan would take it the wrong way if he laughed now. But darn it, he was just too cute. 

“OK, let’s do it.”

Ethan continued to stare Miles down, his body stiff. Miles couldn’t help a smile break across his face as he realized that Ethan probably didn’t know what to do next. 

“I was going to order a pizza. You want some?” 

“Yes, pizza would be great,” Ethan said stiffly before he finally sat down. Miles chuckled as he went into his bedroom to get his phone. He took his time ordering, knowing Ethan probably needed to calm himself. After ten minutes Miles finally went back into the living room and saw that Ethan had sank back into the couch and his hands were spread across his knees. 

“You OK now?” 

“Yeah thanks.”

Miles smiled warmly and touched Ethan’s hair, “No problem.” 

He saw Ethan close his eyes at Miles’s touch and he froze, his hand lightly resting on Ethan’s soft hair. He wanted to run his hands through his hair, move it down to brush the side of his neck and cup his cheek. He was surprised to find that his hands followed his thoughts. He felt Ethan shudder beneath his hand as Miles’s hand glided down his face. Ethan opened his eyes and Miles gazed into the hazel pool. Without realizing it, Miles bent forward and then paused a few centimeters from Ethan’s face. He should probably wait for Ethan to give him permission first. Maybe he was rushing it? Then he noticed the longing in Ethan’s eyes and realized that because he rejected Ethan years ago, he wouldn’t take the first physical step. It was up to Miles to do that. 

Slowly, Miles eased his mouth over Ethan's and placed his lips firmly against his. Ethan groaned and leaned forward, returning the kiss. Miles felt himself harden and his gut burned with desire. Slowly and carefully, he flicked his tongue out and traced Ethan’s lips. Ethan opened his mouth and Miles swept his tongue in. Ethan moaned again and wrapped his arms around Miles. Miles gently pushed Ethan back into the couch, laying on top of him. 

They lay like that for what felt like forever, tongues, arms, and legs intertwined. Miles felt Ethan’s erection brush against his own through the layers of their jeans and lightly brushed his hand against it. Ethan gasped and shuddered, his eyes closed. 

As if in a dream, Miles looked down at Ethan’s flushed face. He never knew, never imagined, Ethan could look so sexy. His eyes were unfocused, his breath coming out in short pants. Miles wanted to see more. He needed to see more. He unbuttoned Ethan’s pants and pulled them down enough to expose Ethan’s erection. Slowly and gently, he ran his hand over his shaft. Ethan gasped and shuddered, prompting Miles to grab Ethan fully and stroke his length. 

“Miles...can’t…” Ethan gasped. 

“It’s OK. Let it go,” Miles said.

A few seconds later Ethan climaxed into Miles’s hand. Miles leaned back and took in the sight of Ethan, wantonly splayed across the couch. He wiped his hand off on a tissue. “That was fast,” he joked, trying to calm himself down.

“Five years dude. Five years,” Ethan responded. 

Miles smiled and was reaching for Ethan again when the doorbell rang. 

“Pizza,” Ethan panted.

Miles suppressed his irritation and went to the door. He tossed the pizza onto the dining table and looked at the couch, feeling a stab of dismay when he saw that Ethan wasn’t there. 

“In here you numb skull,” Ethan’s voice came from the bedroom. 

Miles shook his head and smiled with satisfaction. He knew Ethan was lustful but it was different when he was the one on the receiving end. Or on the giving end as the case may be. 

He walked into the bedroom and found Ethan sprawled on top of the covers, naked. Miles’s erection increased and he couldn’t seem to focus. 

“I used to gel in your drawer. Figured we should get this party started,” Ethan said, smiling wickedly. 

Miles didn’t need to be told twice. Quickly he took off his clothes and crawled onto the bed, swooping Ethan into his arms and giving him long deep kisses. He eased one of his hands down and lightly ran his hands over Ethan’s right nipple,smiling arrogantly against his mouth when Ethan groaned his name. He teased the nipple for a few seconds before he slithered down and began to lick the other one. He free hand moved down Ethan’s leg and began to probe Ethan’s entrance. 

Ethan grabbed Miles’s hair, trying his best not to pull hard. It had been so long since he last had sex and he couldn’t believe Miles was touching him. He was usually pretty enthusiastic and confident about sex but never like this. He felt like he was ready to shatter at any moment. 

“Miles, enough..I want,” Ethan panted, yanking on Miles’s hair lightly to make him stop. 

Miles sat up and reached into his drawer for a condom. As soon as he put it on he leaned over Ethan again and gazed into his eyes. Ethan stared back in silence and they stayed like that for a few seconds, both needing a few seconds to process the enormity of the moment. For Ethan, this was like a dream and he couldn’t believe that Miles was about to come inside him. Carefully, Miles lifted Ethan’s hips and began to insert himself slowly into him. 

Ethan grimaced as he felt Miles enter him. He hadn’t thought they’d progress to this stage so soon or he would have prepared himself more. Miles had stretched him out a bit but he still couldn’t accept Miles fully tonight. Tears of frustration began to well in Ethan’s eyes. It wasn’t supposed to be this way!

“You OK? Am I hurting you?” 

Ethan opened his eyes and realized that Miles had stopped and stood over him, his brow wrinkled with concern. Ethan noticed the sweat on Miles’s body and how tight his muscles were, straining to hold back, to make sure Ethan was alright. Suddenly, Ethan didn’t care anymore if the moment wasn’t completely perfect like how he imagine. The look of concern and adoration on Miles’s face was beyond what he imagined. 

Ethan cupped Miles’s face, “Yeah perfect.”

Miles smiled and eased himself a bit further into Ethan. Ethan threw his head back and gasped, his senses in overdrive with the feel of Miles inside him. When Miles reached the limit of what Ethan could take he began to thrust back and forth slowly, trying to make it easier on Ethan which made Ethan love him even more. Miles grasped Ethan in his hand and that was all it took for Ethan to shatter once again. He felt Miles pump into him a few more times before he came as well, lying on top of Ethan, his breath coming in ragged gasps. 

Ethan put his arms around Miles and hugged him, disbelief that this moment finally happened. 

“Why are you crying?” Miles asked lifting his head.

Ethan realized there were tears coming down his face and onto Miles’s shoulders. He wasn’t surprised he'd cried. It had been a long journey to get to this point and he loved Miles too much not to be completely overwhelmed by the moment. 

“Because the pizza will be cold,” Ethan finally said.

Miles looked down at Ethan nonplussed, then his whole body began to shake with laughter. Ethan began laughing himself, feeling the happiest he’d ever been in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figures once they recognized their feelings, these two wouldn't waste any time. But yay!! They're finally together. And it took them five years and fifteen chapters.   
> I have to say, I'm pretty proud of how much Ethan has matured while still holding onto his childish and wise cracking side. I couldn't stop smiling while writing how he went to Miles as if he was going to a fight.   
> Now, finally, for some fluff. Mostly :)


	16. Chapter 16

The next few weeks were the happiest of Ethan’s life. He’d always dreamed what it would be like to date Miles, and the reality was even better. The best part was, there was no awkwardness from moving from friends to lovers. It just happened naturally. While he and Miles had talked a lot when they were just friends, they talked more now that they were dating. They sent each other ‘Good morning’ and “Good night’ messages as well as several others throughout the day. While such behaviour from his previous boyfriends had been an annoyance and made him feel smothered, Ethan found himself eager for every text from Miles, even the silly ones about how he burnt his tongue on his coffee. He always did hate to wait for it to cool. 

They also tried to meet up whenever they could for lunch or dinner during the week and spent their weekends together at Miles’s apartment. Occasionally they went out to eat, watch a movie, or go hiking, but sometimes time they were happy to just stay at home, sit on the couch and talk and of course, make love. 

It was during one of those weekends that Ethan really felt like they were a couple. They had decided to go play a round of mini golf and Miles had made the mistake of mentioning that he brought Ryan there on their first date.

Ethan felt like he’d been slapped in the face and punched in the stomach at the same time and refused to continue playing.

“Why?” Miles asked in a perplexed voice as he followed Ethan off the golf course to the main reception. “You love mini golf. You always said the clown seemed like a diabolical serial killer and made up stories about how all the other attractions might defeat it.”

“Yeah well that was before you decided to bring me to the place you brought your ex. And told me about it. On our date.”

“You love this golf course.” Miles said in confusion.

“Not anymore,” Ethan huffed, putting his golf club back in the box near the register. 

“Why are you so mad that I brought Ryan here? It’s the best golf course around.”

They reached the parking lot and since there was no one else around, Ethan spun around and decided to let Miles have it. “First of all, you brought me to a place you brought your ex. That was your first strike.”

“There are strikes?”

“Secondly,” Ethan continued, ignoring Miles’s question and look of disbelief, “You talked about your ex in front of your current boyfriend. You never do that. That’s strike two. Strike THREE, you seem completely oblivious to what you did wrong!” 

With that, Ethan spun around and began walking to the car. 

“I still don’t see what the problem is. What happened with Ryan has nothing to do with you.”

Ethan spun around again and glared at Miles, hands on his hips. God he could be such an idiot sometimes. “It’s called decency and jealousy you moron. If you mention your ex, who you loooooved to your current boyfriend, of course I’m going to get jealous. You don’t ever talk about the ex. Ever. At least not in a positive way and not while on a date and NOT when the relationship is still so new.”

“But you talked about your exes all the time,” Miles replied.

“That’s back when we were friends. We’re dating now. The rules have changed.” 

“So, I’m not allowed to talk about Ryan?” Miles asked.

Ethan felt like banging his head against the wall. Any wall. Or better yet, smash Miles’s head through it. Ethan knew Miles had only ever dated Ryan and was ignorant of some of the common dating rules but still. Did he really have to spell it out for him? 

“Did I ever tell you about my ex David?”

Miles’s eyes narrowed and Ethan felt a rush of victory, “No you didn’t.” 

“I dated him when I was in Florida. It was the first serious relationship I had after you rejected me. I really liked him and we got along. We used to love going to DisneyWorld together”

Ethan noticed Miles clench his jaw and suppressed a triumphant smirk. Served him right.

“Well, we weren’t together so I don’t see the problem.”

“Did I mention we dated off and on. The last time he and I were ON, was four months before you and I got together.”

“That’s pretty recent,” Miles said through clenched teeth.

“Yeah. He called me up when I went back a few weeks ago. Of course I was thinking about you and whether we should date so I told him no.”

“Damn right you did.”

Ethan finally smiled and walked over until he stood directly in front of Miles. “How do you feel?” 

“Like I want to hunt down this David guy and punch him.”

Ethan chuckled and cupped Miles’s face in his hands, smoothing the furrows on his forehead. “And that my dear Miles, is jealousy. It’s not logical, it isn't pretty, but it’s part of being in a relationship.” 

Miles blinked as Ethan’s words penetrated, “You tricked me.”

Ethan sighed, “Of course I did you big doofus.” He kissed Miles lightly on the cheek and started to walk away again. Miles caught up and clasped Ethan’s hand as they walked to Miles’s car. “Was there really a David?”

Ethan smiled and shook his head. “No. I tried to date a few people when I first moved to Portland and then Florida but I couldn't stop thinking of you and it didn’t seem fair to them. After a few months I stopped trying and just focused on my work.”

Miles smirked, “Ruined you for all other men huh?”

Ethan smiled wistfully, “You have no idea.” Ethan saw Miles’s cocky smile slip slightly and felt a bit uncomfortable. While Miles knew that Ethan had been pining for him all these years it was different actually talking about it. And it always made Miles feel guilty that he rejected Ethan all those years go and was happy with Ryan while Ethan had continued loving him. 

“I’m sorry Ethan,” Miles said softly. 

Ethan squeezed Miles’s hand comfortingly, “It’s OK. It is what it is. We’re fine now and that’s what matters.” 

Ethan wanted to forget the whole conversation had ever happened but Miles had other plans. When they got home he dragged Ethan to the bedroom, took off his pants, and proceeded to show Ethan just how sorry he was with his mouth, driving Ethan completely crazy in the process. 

 

“Come on you slow poke,” Ethan called from further up the hill. Miles grinned and looked up at Ethan, feeling his heart skip a beat at the look of pure joy on Ethan’s face. They were hiking for the first time in five years and, taking a deep breath, Miles realized how much he’d missed this. With Ethan gone he hadn’t gone out and pursued outdoor activities much. Ryan was more of an indoors person and he and Kevin hadn’t been spending time together for years.

Miles saw a hawk swoop down and back up, tracking it’s flight as it disappeared out of sight. 

“Oh my god,” Ethan exclaimed in a hushed voice, “Miles come look.”

Miles carefully walked over to Ethan and looked where he was pointing and almost gasped. There it was, in brought daylight, an owl. 

“I can’t believe it,” Miles breathed out. 

Slowly, moving millimeter by millimeter, Ethan took out his camera, zoomed in and took several pictures. The owl must have sensed them watching because it suddenly spread it’s wings and within seconds, disappeared. It hadn’t even made a sound. Ethan and Miles kept staring at the spot where the owl had been in awe. After several moments they finally looked at each other and grinned broadly. 

“Can you believe we just saw that!” Ethan shouted.

Miles laughed, “I don’t. I really don’t.” 

Laughing the two began to walk again. Miles saw Ethan’s hands swinging at his sides and reached out and clasped his hand. Ethan started and looked at Miles’s uncertainty before he smiled and squeezed him back. They walked that way in silence for several minutes before deciding to take a break when they reached a formation of rocks they could sit on. 

Miles groaned as he sat down, leaning forward to stretch out his back muscles, “I have to get out more.” 

“Working a desk job is certainly killer. That’s why I jog four times a week.” 

“You jog? I can’t picture it.”

“I may not have loved sports like you but I enjoy going out and breathing fresh air. It took a while for me to like it and build up my stamina though. I even joined a running club and we meet up almost every Sunday morning.” 

Miles felt frustrated and glared at the ground. It wasn’t the first time that Ethan had revealed new information about himself, and while Miles liked learning new things about him, he hated that he hadn’t been a part of it. 

“What about you?” Ethan asked. “Did you give up on exercising completely? I doubt it considering how hot your bod is right now.”

Miles snorted at Ethan’s flirtatious tone, “I go to the gym, four, sometimes three times a week. Whenever I get the chance.”

“You’ve been working too hard,” Ethan accused in a gentle tone.

Miles sighed, “You’re not wrong about that. I’ve been so focused on work the last few years I haven’t had much of a life besides meeting people whenever I could. It’s always like that when you start a career and you’re working up the ladder.” 

“True. My first year was definitely hectic and I had to do a lot of the grunt work. But I still tried to find the time to actually live my life. Every Sunday I would jog, every Friday night I’d go out with friends. And even if I was working on weekends, I would make sure to carve out some time to catch up on my favorite shows and anime Saturday evening. It’s all about balance.”

Miles contemplated Ethan’s words and realized what Kevin had tried to tell him and he'd been too stubborn to listen, determined to figure it all out on his own. Just because work was important didn’t mean he should neglect his personal life. It he didn’t have time he should make time.

“Well, now that you’re dating me we’ve certainly been going out more. I’ll give you a social life yet, just you watch.”

Miles smiled and found his heart warm at Ethan’s enthusiastic smile. 

“Any other new hobbies you have that I don’t know about?” Miles asked, his curiosity peaked. 

Ethan chewed his bottom lip, thinking over the last few years, “I tried to read. My co-workers kept recommending some books, but I never got into them. I’m definitely more of a visual person. I tried to write a few songs for my movie, but they were a disaster. Claire was right when she said my English skills are crap. I kept making up words and using weird sentences and my boss ended up throwing it in the trash. He said he was being nice and he really wanted to burn it.”

“That’s not very nice,” Miles said, feeling a spark of anger.

Ethan laughed, “Don’t get all overprotective. My boss is great and we joke around. And if you saw the song you would have wanted to burn it too. How do I explain it? When you work in animation the environment is pretty chilled and fun. People are always bouncing ideas off each other and sometimes we’d randomly listen to cartoon theme songs.”

“You love it,” Miles stated. “I’m not surprised. The environment suits you well.”

Ethan nodded, “My job it Portland wasn’t like that. I wasn’t happy there. All they cared about was the money. I was thinking of quitting everyday in the year I was there. Luckily one of my coworkers got me in touch with someone at my current company and things kinds of flowed naturally. I love my job now. It’s a small company and it’s all about the creative process. And …”

“What?” Miles asked.

Ethan blushed, sparking Miles's curiosity even more, “They’re producing one of my movies.”

“You’re kidding!” Miles exclaimed, jumping up. “That’s great! You didn’t tell me that.”

“It felt I was bragging. It’s the movie I made about Claire when she got sick.”

Miles smiled gently, “I remember when you showed me your plot. I thought it was amazing. Did you tell Claire?”

“Not yet,” Ethan confessed, fidgeting nervously. “She knows the story exists, but I was waiting until she gets better to tell her about the movie. I don’t know how happy she’ll be seeing it when she’s still sick.” 

Miles crouched and looked into Ethan’s eyes, “I think she’d appreciate it.”

Ethan smiled weakly and nodded. “Yeah I’ll tell her.” 

Miles squeezed his hand and then stood up, holding his hand out to help Ethan up. They started walking again in silence. Miles was happy. It was a simple word but it fit his mood so well. This is what he wanted. To sit and talk with Ethan, joke around with him, encourage him. 

“What about you?” Ethan asked. “You haven’t told me much about your career journey.”

Miles sighed, “Not much to tell. I couldn't get a job at any of the police stations so I was working at a lab for over a year.”

Ethan winced, “Ouch, you must have hated that.”

“Yeah, I was miserable. The hours were fine and set so I wasn’t overworked or anything. But I felt so...blah. I was bored and it kind of seeped into my daily life. Ryan was really busy and so were Luke and Connor so I didn’t have people to hang out with during my free time. So I usually just sat at home or visited James. He wasn’t always free but when he was he tried to spend time with me.” Miles chuckled bitterly, “Pretty pathetic right?”

“No. It happens sometimes. People say you need to keep your work life and personal life separate but it’s hard not to let any negativity about work trickle into your feelings afterwards. It’s normal. But you’re OK now?”

Miles grinned, “Oh yeah. I’m all good now. I love my job. It’s not perfect and there are days when I get pissed off at my coworkers or the demands of the detectives, but overall it’s good. I get to go out to crime scenes and spend hours analyzing everything.” 

“You always were a weirdo,” Ethan joked, and Miles shoved him affectionately. 

“Hey we’re almost at the top!” Miles said. He looked down at Ethan and grinned widely, “Race you there.” He didn’t wait for Ethan’s response and took off running, laughing as he heard Ethan yell insults at him and give chase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before anyone says, 'Owls during the day? You're making it up." I actually experienced this! It was frickin awesome! 
> 
> I like the simplicity and fluffiness in this chapter. It's great to finally see Ethan and Miles together again. I missed fun Ethan.  
> To all my fellow millenials, some of you might relate to Ethan and Miles who felt disappointed with the real world and the demands of working. But since I was going for a more optimistic tone, I didn't want them to suffer too long.  
> And I think most working people feel the pressure of trying to balance their work and their personal life. I think I finally got the hang of it though. If you're one of those people who finds it easy...I'm jealous ;)


	17. Chapter 17

“And they know we’re officially dating right,” Ethan asked as they walked up the front steps to James and Kevin’s house. 

“For the hundredth time, yes I told them. Why are you being such a pain in the ass about this?”

“I just don’t want there to be any misunderstandings. What else did you tell them about, you know, us?”

“Just that we realized we like each other and started dating. That’s it. You know how Kevin and James are, they didn’t pry. They were just too frickin happy to question it.”

“Yeah my parents were happy too when I told them. They treated it like it was the best news in a century. What’s that all about?”

“I guess because we’ve been friends for so long, they like us together and the idea of us being a couple.”

Ethan sighed wearily, “I wonder when the excitement will die down. I swear my mom is driving me crazy, asking me all the time when I was going to see you and what we did on our last date and when you’re coming over.”

“Which is why we’re going to have lunch with James and Kevin today and lunch with your parents tomorrow. Hopefully this will make all the fervor die down.”

Ethan sighed again, more loudly this time, “God I hope so.” 

Miles chuckled and patted his shoulder before he rang the doorbell and Martin opened the door. The butler beamed at them and bowed slightly, “Master Miles, Master Ethan. It’s wonderful to see you two together.”

“That’s the general consensus Martin,” Ethan said as he walked into the house. 

“Master James and Master Kevin are already in the dining room.”

Ethan winced, “Yeah sorry. I was running a bit late.”

“It’s no trouble at all. The food is being kept warm.” 

“Thank Martin,” Miles said as they proceeded to the dining room. Miles could feel the tension coming off Ethan in waves and suppressed his smile, “Relax, they already like you. You don’t have to prove anything to them.”

“I know,” Ethan hissed back, straightening his shirt and running his hand through his hair before he stepped into the room. Miles chuckled. Would he ever stop finding him so cute? 

James and Kevin got up and greeted them with hugs. 

“It’s so nice to see you both here together at the same time. It’s been years since we all sat together,” James said.

Ethan grimaced, “Yeah that’s kind of my fault.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Kevin said, “That’s not what James meant. He’s just happy we’re all here together. That’s all.”

James nodded gratefully at Kevin and Kevin smiled back. This is what Miles always wanted. A relationship where each person understood the other completely, without words, lending unending support. He’d thought he’d had that with Ryan but it just didn’t work out that way. They were both too independent. He didn’t find the same problem with Ethan though which he was eternally grateful for. They already had their secret looks and inside jokes. While most couples like Kevin and James spent years building that level of communication, it was already in the foundation of his relationship with Ethan. Miles couldn’t help feeling arrogant that he and Ethan already had such as a strong basis.

“So Miles, how’s work?” Kevin asked, cutting into his thoughts. 

Miles cleared his throat, “Work’s fine. Lots of cases lately. I think it’s the weather.” 

“Be careful, the weather tends to contaminate the evidence. But you already know more about that than I do.” 

“Yes I know,” Miles replied thinly. 

“Ethan, how’s that fairy movie coming along?” James asked. 

The rest of the meal was dominated by talks about Ethan’s movie and other projects, Kevin’s baseball team, and James and Kevin's upcoming trip to Italy. 

As soon as the meal was over, Ethan asked to see Miles’s room for old time’s sake. They’d barely made it into the room before Ethan closed the door and locked it, turning on Miles with such a ferocious look Miles was rendered speechless. 

“Whats going on between you and Kevin?” Ethan asked bluntly. 

Miles perched on the corner of his bed. “What are you talking about?”

“You and Kevin were really weird during lunch. You were both so polite. Too polite. Is something wrong?”

Miles wanted to brush aside Ethan’s concerns and tell him it was nothing, but he knew that answer wouldn’t satisfy him and for the first time in a long time, Miles wanted to confide in someone. 

“We had a fight. A few years ago. Back when I worked at that lab after I graduated. I was miserable and Kevin and James could feel it. Kevin kept trying to convince me to leave and apply elsewhere but, you know how stubborn I can be and we argued. A lot. Then, one day, it got bad. I sort of….” Miles paused and took a deep breath, “I basically told him that he only took me in to make himself feel like a hero.”

Ethan stared at Miles, his expression blank, “Well that was stupid.”

Miles sighed, “I know. And I apologized. But after that there was this constant tension. Kevin always tried not to tell me what to do and anytime he did it would set me off. It’s childish I know but I just found myself being too sensitive to his comments.”

“Well, it makes sense. You’re both pretty similar.”

Miles jolted, “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re both as stubborn as hell. You both like to fight for what you think and believe. And you both have a strong hero complex.”

“I do not have a hero complex!” Miles cried. 

“Not the same way Kevin does. Kevin wants to help everybody. But you, you want to protect the people you care about. Look at the way you treat James. And how you gravitated to Ryan. And me. You said yourself you started to like me when you realized how depressed I was over Claire and comforted me. With all these similarities, it’s no wonder you and Kevin finally came head to head. But now, you have to fix the damage. Kevin is your dad and fathers and sons sometimes disagree. I’ve seen Sean and my dad argue enough to tell you it can get ugly. But that’s cuz he’s immature and trying to become an adult. You’re older now, and, hopefully, more mature. So suck it up, talk to Kevin and sort this out.”

Miles gazed at Ethan blankly and Ethan gestured with his head towards the door, “Oh you mean now.”

Ethan sighed, pulled Miles off the bed and pushed him towards the door. “No time like the present.” 

Miles nervously walked through the house, figuring he’d find Kevin in the library with James. He and Kevin did talk occasionally but they haven’t had a proper heart to heart in years. While Ethan’s explanation made sense, Miles didn’t know what to do with it. He found Kevin in the library as he expected and called out to him, “Want to play some Call Of Duty?”

Kevin looked up at Miles in surprise while James smiled, nudging Kevin with his foot.

“Ah, yeah sounds great,” Kevin said as he jumped up. The two walked in silence to the family room. Neither said a word for several minutes, focusing on the game. 

“I’m sorry about all that crap I said before,” Miles finally said.

“You said that already,” Kevin said. “It’s all good.”

“If it’s all good then why do we have so many problems talking to each other?” Miles asked hitting the pause button. He took a deep breath to sort out his thoughts. “You were right, about everything. About the job being all wrong for me and about Ryan. I was just being stubborn and wanted to, chart my own course or whatever. To me,” Miles paused and took in a deep breath. “You were always my hero Kev. You saved me from my dad so many times I lost count. You took me in and gave me a chance when no one else would. Then, to top it all of, you adopted me and accepted me as your son. I guess I felt like I had to prove myself to you. To show you that you weren’t wrong in taking a chance on me and that I could take care of myself. But things weren’t working out and there you were, trying to save me again, and I just felt like such a failure.” Miles looked up and stared at Kevin, noticing his blank expression. “I’m so, so sorry Kevin. I was an immature brat and I was wrong.”

Kevin gazed steadily at Miles for a few moments, and Miles began to feel anxious. Was the speech not good enough? Did Kevin not understand? Or had he gone too far and made himself sound like a pathetic mess? 

Kevin sighed deeply and smiled, “Well, at least now we both know what happened. And that’s the first step towards moving past it. I never thought of you as a failure Miles. Not then and not now. And you’re right that I’m always trying to save you. But that’s because you’re my son. I’ll always try and protect you and give you advice. You’re free to ignore it and tell me to shove it, but don’t think for a second that I’m criticized you or your life. Got it?”

Miles smiled weakly, “Got it.” 

Kevin ruffled Miles’s hair, another habit they had in common Miles suddenly realized, and picked up the console. “Now, watch your old man kick your ass.”

“In your dreams.” 

 

“So it all worked out then,” Ethan said as he sat down on Miles’s couch. 

“Yup. We agreed to go to the batting cages next weekend. It’ll be our first solo outing in years. I have to say, I’m kind of nervous. You sure you don’t want to come?”

“And ruin all the progress you made tonight? No way.”

Miles chuckled, “I figured. And hey, thanks for pushing me to talk to Kevin tonight. I never would have been able to get past that wall without you.”

Ethan smiled and patted his knee, “Nah I didn’t do anything. All you needed was a swift kick to the behind to get you moving.” 

“You’re a hero yourself you know,” Miles observed. “You said that I felt the need to save you but you saved me too. If you hadn’t talked to me at school, stuck by me all these years, I never would have opened up and tried to connect to people. I probably would have been satisfied with just James and Kevin.”

“Hmm,” Ethan murmured thoughtfully, stroking his chin, “I guess I am a hero. I’ve always wanted to be the one that saves the damsel from distress.”

Miles grinned and ruffled Ethan’s hair before pulling him in close. They sat there for several moment, with Ethan’s head resting on Miles’s arm while he absently stroked Ethan’s hair. 

“I never told you about my real parents did I?” 

Ethan sat up and looked at Miles curiously, “What brought that up?

“I was just thinking how you said that Kevin is my dad and fathers and sons usually fight and make up. And it made me realize that I never talked about my background before, before I met Kevin. And since we’re dating now I feel it’s something you should know.” 

Ethan nodded and sat with his back straight, ready to listen which made him look like an attentive puppy. Miles couldn’t help but smile. While Ryan had been a great listener, Miles had never talked about his childhood. He knew as a psychologist Ryan would try and analyze his background and his parents and he didn’t want that to affect their relationship. There was also the fact that, much as he loved Ryan, they were lovers first and friends second while Ethan was and always would be his best friend. And with that came a level of confidence and desire to share more of himself. 

“My dad was a mean drunk and my mom was a gambler. We rented small place in a pretty shitty neighborhood. It was a typical abusive home. Dad would get drunk, hit me and my mom. My mom would run off for days to gamble and forget how crappy her life is. Every once in a while she’d come home and feed me. Most of the time I had to steal money and food to survive. But I had to be careful to never bring any of it home because my parents would take it. I hated it. I hated my life there and I hated them. 

“At one point I thought of killing myself. I had it all planned out. I went to this really tall building that overlooked the lake. I figured the view would look nice as I fell through the sky. I stood there for at least three hours. But in the end I couldn't do it. Which made things even worse. There was just no escape for me. So I got angrier, and angrier, and more and more desperate. I was thinking about running away but didn’t know where I could go. You know what they say, the hell you know is better than the one you don’t.” 

Miles took a deep breath, and smiled, “Then I met Kevin. I hated him too to be honest. He was so cocky and arrogant. Always butting into my business and talking to my teachers. I figured he’d leave me alone eventually. I certainly didn’t give him any reason to care about me. I yelled at him and swore at him. Lied. Until one day, he saved me. I mean literally. I was at home and my dad came home drunk. Usually I run out of there pretty fast but I wasn’t fast enough that day. He hit me across the face and was kicking me when Kevin came and shoved him off. He threatened to arrest him and call social services. He carried me out of there and took me to his place to clean me up. He was all hell bent on calling a case worker he knew and reporting my dad but I begged him not to. I was terrified of going into foster care. Eventually I wore him down and he agreed not to if I promised to go to school and come to his house when things got bad. And he gave me a key to his place.” Miles laughed at the memory. “Imagine that. A cop giving a known thief his house key. I thought he was stupid and deserved to be robbed. But I couldn’t do it. I found myself wanting to give him a chance. And I never regretted it.” 

Ethan sat silently, his face blank as he listened to Miles. “Thank you, for telling me.” 

Miles smiled. He had imagined different responses people would make about his story. Sympathy, pity, or even horror. Those were the reasons why he never told people. Truth be told he never thought about his childhood anyway. That’s why Ethan’s simple words and lack of expression seemed so perfect. It was out there, Ethan knew and Miles finally confided in someone. That’s all he needed. Miles reached out his hand and stroked Ethan’s cheek, “You’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you who read the prequel and were curious about Miles, here are the answers you were looking for. Especially why Kevin gave him a key which a few people questioned.   
> As our story starts to wind down, Miles finally matures and reconnects not only with Ethan, but his family as well. Pretty interesting how Ethan actually matured in some ways more than Miles considering how childish everyone thinks he is in beginning of the story. :)   
> Now, for some smut cuz it's in the tag and while all the fluffiness is sweet and all, these two are definitely getting busy, a lot.


	18. Chapter 18

“There she is,” Sarah whispered fiercely, clutching Mark’s arm. They were all sitting at Rose’s graduation and managed to get good seats. Which wasn’t a surprise considering how early Mark came. They all sat in one row with James Jr, who everyone called JJ, on one end next to his mom and Mark, then James and Kevin in the middle while Miles and Ethan sat on the side. 

Ethan smiled watching Mark and Sarah’s proud expressions as Rose walked onto the stage and received her diploma. She turned around and smiled and waved at them before she walked off.

“Oh, she looked so beautiful,” Sarah sniffed. “Did you get it on camera?”

“I got the video,” Ethan said. 

“I snapped so many pictures you can make a giant collage out of it,” Miles replied. 

“Thanks for offering to do it guys,” Mark said.

“No problem. You can’t exactly film and watch and scream and cry at the same time,” Ethan joked. 

“Shh,” James hissed from his seat between Mark and Kevin. Ethan pretended to zip his lips shut and felt Miles snort next to him. He elbowed him in the stomach and smirked when he heard him grunt slightly. “Score one for the short pixie,” Ethan said.

“We’ll see who wins later,” Miles whispered back and Ethan felt a thrill at how husky Miles’s voice sounded. 

Now that Rose was done, Ethan lost interest in the graduation and was having a hard time not thinking about how close Miles was sitting next to him. It was stupid how much Miles physically affected him. One minute they could be sitting around, playing a video game and the next, they were going at it on the couch. Last week they were so enthusiastic they accidentally broke Miles’s bed. Ethan was actually kind of proud of that. 

When they started dating, Ethan assumed he’d be more into the relationship since he loved Miles longer. But Miles seemed equally as committed and emotionally involved as Ethan. It sometimes made Ethan panic because he worried the spark might die out, but then decide that it wasn’t worth worrying about. 

Ethan found his mind wandering, recalling all the fun moments they’ve had over the last few weeks until the graduation ended. He stood up and clapped like crazy as the graduates tossed their caps into the air and hollered. 

The whole row shuffled out and headed to the parking lot where they had decided to meet Rose and go out for a celebratory lunch. Sarah and Mark couldn’t stop exclaiming over how beautiful the ceremony was while James and Kevin nodded and made encouraging comments. Ethan noticed JJ off to the side, looking bored.

“Wanna play a game while we wait?” Ethan asked him. 

“Sure,” JJ replied and Ethan whipped out his phone and the two got engrossed in the game. 

“Sorry it took so long. I had to return my cap and gown,” Rose said as she walked over. 

Sarah and Mark rushed over and hugged Rose while JJ remained next to Ethan. Ethan leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “I think it would mean a lot to your sister if you went and congratulated her. Girls like that kind of stuff.” 

JJ sighed, rolled his eyes and walked over to give Rose a congratulatory hug. Ethan chuckled when he saw Rose hug him back fiercely and plant a kiss on his cheek which JJ quickly wiped off with the sleeve of his jacket. 

“Do you remember being that sullen at that age?” Miles asked. 

“Oh yeah. I was a complete brat when I was a kid. I didn’t understand why I had to spend time playing with Claire and Sean and thought they were a pain. My parents couldn’t control me at all. To their credit they came up with pretty creative punishments but they mostly backfired.”

Miles raised his eyebrow in disbelief, “Really? I never would have guessed it. You were so obedient and devoted to your family when I met you.”

“That's because everything changed when Claire got sick,” Ethan stated offhandedly. “Mom and dad were too busy dealing with the doctor and getting everything sorted. They didn’t have much time for me and Sean. And I realized that while they were giving Claire lots of attention, it was all medically related. They treated her like an invalid and so she behaved that way. She couldn’t be just a regular kid and it was really getting to her. You know what they say about victim mentality. So I decided that if my parents couldn’t make Claire and Sean happy I could.”

“And that’s how the annoying and lovable overprotective Ethan we all know and love was born.”

Ethan felt his heart skip a beat when Miles said love and smiled to cover it up, “Pretty much. I was always excitable. I just aimed it at my family rather than focusing it on myself and my friends.”

Miles looked down at Ethan with an unreadable expression on his face. Ethan felt his heart begin to race as Miles leaned forward and whispered in his ear. “When lunch is done, you’re coming over to my place.” 

Ethan swallowed nervously, unsure what he did to turn Miles on, “Oh, and why should I do that?” 

Miles then whispered exactly why, making Ethan turn completely crimson and unable to focus on the graduation lunch at all.

 

“Watch the side table,” Ethan said as Miles pushed him back against the entryway wall.

“Screw the table,” Miles panted as he lifted Ethan and deepened their kiss. Ethan jumped up slightly and wrapped his legs around Miles’s hips, marveling at his strength. Locked together, they stumbled into the bedroom where they fell onto the bed. 

Ethan quickly began to take off his clothes while Miles took of his. Ethan saw Miles struggling with his shirt as the sleeve got caught around his wrist. He leaned forward to unbutton the cuff when Miles wrenched the shirt so hard the button popped off. Ethan whistled appreciatively. “Never had a guy want me so bad he’d destroy his shirt before.”

Miles glared at Ethan as he took off his pants, “Remember strike one. Don’t mention other guys. Especially when you're about to have sex with your boyfriend.” 

Ethan chuckled, “Then come over here and shut me up.” 

Miles bounced over and pressed Ethan back into the bed, kissing him deeply while he ran his hands over Ethan’s chest and thighs. While Miles still had his boxers on, Ethan had managed to take his completely off and was trying to slip Miles’s off when he felt him grab his wrist. 

“Not yet,” Miles rasped.

Ethan’s eyes widened, “You’re not seriously going to do what you said you’d do. You don’t have to do that.” 

Miles smiled wickedly and turned Ethan over. Ethan felt Miles slide his hands down the front of his chest to his ribs then his hips. Ethan’s whole body felt like it was on fire and he shuddered. Suddenly, Miles lifted Ethan’s hips up a bit and next thing Ethan knew, Miles started licking him. Ethan shuddered and gasped. 

“No...you cant.”

Miles’s only response was to press his tongue more deeply into Ethan. None of Ethan's previous boyfriends had wanted to lick him before, so Ethan never realized how...affected he could become. He was trying to get his emotions under control when he felt Miles begin to fondle him from the front. 

“Miles,” Ethan rasped. 

He felt Miles chuckle as he stroked Ethan’s base, driving Ethan’s mind completely blank. A few second later he touched the tip of Ethan’s erection and he felt like he was going to explode. 

“Wait, I’m going to come.” 

Miles’s response was to grasp Ethan fully and stroke him. And like that, Ethan’s mind shattered and his body convulsed as he climaxed. He flopped onto the bed, panting and trying to get some blood back to his brain. 

He felt Miles slide up the bed and lay on his stomach, his head on the pillow and facing Ethan. “You are so easy,” Miles mocked.

“When I get my energy back I’ll get you for that comment.”

“I look forward to it,” Miles said, his eyes full of excitement. 

Ethan pushed himself off the bed and flipped Miles over, raising his eyebrows when he saw that Miles was almost fully erect already. 

“And you said I was easy.”

Miles chuckled, “What can I say. I’m warm for your form.”

“That sounds like a cheesy pick up line from an eighties show.”

“I think it is,” Miles laughed. 

Ethan felt a spurt of irritation. Seconds ago, he was writhing while Miles was in complete control. And now Ethan was practically on top of him and the arrogant jerk still smiled audaciously like he controlled the pace. Well, Ethan couldn’t let that stand. 

“Really,” Ethan said, as he slowly slid his arm up his ribs. “If you were sooo into me how come you missed some important areas.” 

Ethan felt a rush of triumph as Miles stopped smiling, his eyes focused as Ethan stroked his own nipples. 

“I was uh.. A bit busy.”

Ethan sighed as he continued to pinch and roll his nipples between his fingers, watching Miles’s erection grow. “You know what they say about people who are busy. They miss all the amazing foreplay.” 

Miles gulped as Ethan stopped and slithered down Miles's body, his eyes widening as Ethan licked his shaft. Ethan felt Miles shudder and pulled him into his mouth completely. 

“That..might not be a good idea right now…”

If he could, Ethan would have smirked. Instead he focused on licking Miles and sucking on him, twirling his tongue the way he knew Miles liked. He felt Miles grasp his hair and pull gently as he groaned. Ethan began to stroke the base gently and sensually, feeling Miles tighten beneath him. A few seconds later, Miles yanked Ethan’s face away and climaxed himself.

“What do you say we call this one a tie,” Ethan said cheerfully.

Miles looked up at him, still trying to catch his breath and chuckled, “Let’s go with that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, fluff and smut. One more chapter to go! I could have kept going but I think 19.5 chapters is enough for these two....or I might change my mind and revisit them later. I don't know! It's so hard for me to say good-bye to these two.


	19. Chapter 19

Ethan hummed to himself as he added the finishing touches to the scene he was working on. 

“You sound happy,” Claire commented from the hospital bed. 

“I am. You’re getting your new transplant tomorrow. What’s not to be happy about?”

“Still can’t believe I’m finally getting it. The doctor had me on that list for two years, every since my kidney started failing.”

“Yeah, lucky he picked up on it. Otherwise you would have waited even longer,” Ethan said, trying not to think of the what ifs scenarios.

Claire smiled at Ethan, “I know there’s something else you’re happy about.”

Ethan blushed and looked down at his screen, “No idea what you’re talking about. You’re high on painkillers.”

“That’s after the surgery bone head,” Claire shot back. 

“OK fine, I’m happy because of Miles. Does that make you feel better.”

“So things are going well?”

Ethan paused, recalling their date last weekend that had ended up with them mostly in bed for two days. “I guess so.”

“You don’t sound so confident,” Claire said with concern. “What’s wrong?”

Ethan sighed and flipped his laptop closed, “Well here’s the thing. I love Miles. I’ve loved him for years. But he isn’t. I mean he likes me and he loves being with me. But he’s not at the I love you stage yet.”

“Hmm, I can see why that would make you feel insecure.”

“I’m not insecure,” Ethan stated firmly. “Just...concerned.” Ethan paused, trying to formulate his thoughts into a coherent sentence. “It’s just...with his last boyfriend, he went through all the love stages so fast. They said I love you within weeks of dating. Why isn’t that happening now? It’s hard to feel confident when I can see the differences.” 

Claire looked at her older brother, his brow furrowed with the despair he was trying to hide. She wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be OK, but as her upcoming surgery showed, life threw you curve balls and you just had to roll with it. 

“There’s nothing you can do but wait I guess,” Claire finally said. 

Ethan sighed and straightened her bed sheets, “I know. Want me to get you some ice cream? Doctor said you can eat for the next hour.” 

“Sure, ice cream sounds great.” 

Ethan patted his sister’s hand affectionately before he left the room. He ran into his parents outside the hospital room door and told them he was going to get Claire some food. Ethan watched his parents enter Claire’s room, trying to hide his apprehension at how gaunt his mother had gotten the last few months. His father was the opposite. His white hair had increased and he had a solid paunch as chocolates and cakes became his comfort food. It would all be over soon then they can go back to how they used to be. 

Ethan prayed he was right as he bought the ice cream and headed back to the room. 

“So Ethan, how’s Miles?” Janet asked. 

Ethan saw Claire smirk. His mother was always asking about Miles ever since she found out they were dating. It was getting redundant but Ethan knew that his mother needed a cheerful topic to take her mind off the surgery so he went over the routine answers.

“He’s fine. Work is keeping him busy but we’re trying to meet up as much as possible.”

“I can’t tell you how happy it made me when you told me you two were dating. I never would have believed it. Well I would have if I had known you had feelings for each other. But it’s so amazing how after reuniting after all these years you discovered you cared about each other. It’s so romantic.” 

Ethan smiled grimly and avoided his mother’s eye. He hadn’t told his parents that he had loved Miles and been rejected. Much as they liked Miles they might not forgive him for breaking their son’s heart and being the reason he ran away. Especially considering how vulnerable they’ve been the last two years. Better they never knew. 

 

Miles signed off on the blood sample and handed it over to the evidence department. One case down, and another victory. He’d done his part and now it was up to the police to put all the clues together. Miles felt that sense of accomplishment he always got after fully analyzing a crime scene. It never got old. 

Miles looked down at his watch and picked up the pace. Claire’s surgery would be starting in a few hours and he wanted to be there with Ethan and his family when it happened. The doctor said it would be fine but no one was going to feel better until Claire was back at home. 

“Hey Peter, I’m signing out now,” Miles called out as he got his jacket since the weather was starting to get chilly.

“Right, the surgery is today. Hope it goes well. Tell Ethan we’re all praying his sister is OK.” 

Miles smiled his thanks and left. He made it to the hospital pretty quickly since it wasn’t rush hour and walked to Claire’s room. He knocked on the door before he entered and found the whole family crammed inside.

“Hey Claire, you look ready to take on an entire football team,” Miles joked.

Claire chuckled, “I feel like I can take an entire team. I just want to get this over and done with.”

Janet placed her hand on top of Claire’s, “It’ll be over soon.” 

“Hey Claire, did I show you this new funny anime I found? The dubbing is horrible! You’re gonna love it,” Ethan said, turning on his laptop. He then proceeded to show his family various scenes that made them laugh. 

Miles felt a rush of pride as he watched his best friend and lover once again step up and take on the burden of cheering up his family. Miles knew Ethan probably just wanted to hug his family and cry with them. But he wouldn’t let himself. That caring side was why Miles loved him so much. 

Miles felt like the earth crashed around him then suddenly everything was still again. Yeah he loved Ethan. It hadn’t been in a whirling flash like Ryan. It had slowly been built over time and developed from friendship. Ethan was the strongest, kindness, most compassionate and hardworking person Miles knew. How had he never realized how easy it would be to love him? To be with him. As childhood friends, they knew and trusted each in ways other couples didn’t. And he could honestly say he’d never get bored of Ethan. He was such a whirlwind of energy and passion he always kept Miles on his toes. Even though Miles knew Ethan as well as he knew himself, ever since they started dating he had discovered new sides to Ethan he never knew existed. There were many times when Ethan was just completely unpredictable. And Miles wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. laughing, talking, comforting each other and pushing each other to be better people. 

Miles wanted nothing else but to swoop Ethan away and tell him he loved him. But he knew the timing wasn’t right. Besides, he wanted to make it perfect. Ethan deserved it. 

“It’s time,” the doctor said an hour later and the family, fighting back tears, left the room and watched Claire get wheeled down to the O.R. Claire smiled at them bravely and waved, making Miles’s heart ache.

The next few hours were pure agony. First the doctor had to remove the infected kidney, then put in the new one and wait and see if it took. The last one had failed after a few years and the doctor hoped this one would last longer. Miles shuddered, thinking how they might have to go through the same thing again in the future. He looked over at Ethan who wasn’t even trying to make his family laugh. They had passed that point. He took Ethan’s hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly and Ethan squeezed it back. 

“Thanks for being here. I wouldn’t be able to handle this alone,” Ethan whispered.

“I’m always here,” Miles replied. 

Finally, the doctor came into the waiting room. The whole family leaped up, Ethan’s parents clutching each other.

“The surgery went well. The kidney seems to be functioning normally. We’ll be keeping her for a few days to make sure it takes.” 

Ethan’s parents began to sob and Sean covered his face with his hands, his body shaking. Ethan thanked the doctor and his parents followed suit, asking when they could see Claire. Ethan was about to follow his parents when Miles grabbed his hand, “I think we need some fresh air.”

Ethan’s mother nodded and Miles led Ethan out of the waiting room. Miles kept walking until he found an empty room then pulled Ethan inside. He closed the door behind them and locked the door for good measure. When he finally turned around he saw that Ethan had reached his limit. His eyes were hollow and his expression was sunken. All the energy and tension of the last two years finally faded. Miles opened his arms and Ethan almost ran into them, sobbing against Miles’s chest, the same way he did on that day twelve years ago.


	20. Epilogue

“Claire’s all good?” Miles asked as he helped Ethan pack his clothes. 

“Doctor said the kidney is fine and healthy. She should be up and about in a few weeks.”

“That’s great.” 

Ethan smiled and flicked Miles with one of his shirts. “Hey, you said you would help me pack. Moving at a snail’s pace isn’t helping.”

Miles sighed and flopped onto the bed, crushing Ethan’s clothes. “I can’t help it. I don’t want you to go.”

Ethan sighed, repeating the same phrase for what felt like the gazillionth time. “I told you. I can’t quit my job. It’s too good and I’m up for a promotion next year. And you don’t want to move. So until one of us gives in, we’ll just have to settle for a long distance relationship.”

“What if I did move?” Miles asked.

Ethan froze, his hand extended as he was about to pull Miles off the bed. Miles sat up and his eyes bore into Ethan’s, “I’m serious. What if I moved, to Florida?”

“But you said you never wanted to move,” Ethan said in a hollow voice.

“That was then. But things have changed now. Much as I love James and Kevin they’re not what I need in my life right now. You are.”

Ethan swallowed, shocked to his core by Miles’s words. Since he knew him, Miles had been adamant that he wanted to stay near James and Kevin forever. In all the months they had been dating they never talked about the future. Ethan was too scared to bring up the topic and Miles...Miles seemed to want to live in the present. Ethan couldn’t understand the sudden change in him.

“You don’t have to. I’ll come visit a lot. And you can come see me."

Miles’s nose flared with irritation and he stood up, “I want to move. I want to be with you. I love you.” 

Ethan felt like he’d been sucked into a vortex. He subconsciously knew he’d dropped the sweater in his hands and could only stare at Miles. “You...love me?”

Miles sighed with frustration and ran his hand through his hair, “I wanted to make a bigger show of it. You know like in the cartoons you love. Sunset and roses and all that. But you were pissing me off so much I blurted it out.”

“But..how...when?”

Miles finally looked at Ethan fully and smiled warmly, causing Ethan’s heart to race. He walked over and clasped Ethan’s hands, “I think it all started the day a pixie shortie asked me ‘Do you like cartoons?’ I know I haven’t loved you as long as you loved me and I didn’t realize it as fast as you did. Although to be fair it took you seven years to figure it out-”

“You’re ruining it,” Ethan interjected.

“Right,” Miles said clearing his throat. “I love everything about you Ethan. The way you support your family. Your spirit. Your optimistic view of life. Your strength. I always loved them. I just didn’t realize what that love meant until recently. So, I want to be with you. Always.”

Ethan continued to stare at Miles, noticing the warmth in his eyes and felt like he was going to cry. So he did the only thing he could think to do, “On a scale of one to ten of cheesiness that was an eight. Maybe an eight point five.” 

Miles laughed and pulled Ethan in for a deep kiss which Ethan responded to passionately. He was glad he took that risk a second time, because he finally got the love he always dreamed of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. We've come full circle and our lovers are finally able to have the love they always wanted. After literally writing their life story until this point, I feel pretty proud of how Ethan and Miles handled the difficulties of life and how much they matured. I know since it's not a fanfiction and more slice of life it won't get a lot of hits, but those of you who took a chance and liked the story, please feel free to comment. 
> 
> I've already planned my next story which will actually be an A/B/O story. I recently got into the genre and a military story I was going to write popped into my head and I think it'll be perfect. It's going to be in a futuristic world and will have multiple couples who work on an army base. I have the outline and everything. Just need to find the time to write it. I signed up for a month long summer course and tomorrow is my first day.   
> Unlike my other stories, I'll be posting that one as I write. Hope you read it when it's up!


End file.
